The Buckerine Files: 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predicitions- The BCS Bowls

The Ohio State Buckeyes have gone through several uniform changes over the years. Are there current jerseys insufficient to win a high stakes game? We'll answer that question and more in the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Predictions. Image swiped off of myteamprints.com.

Now we come to the grand finale of the college football post-season, the elite Bowl Championship Series. These are the games that get top pick of all the best teams, or at least the best teams they still have room for after loading up on mediocre conference champions. Of course the big one at the end determines who everyone will elect the national champion (or maybe not if any of them decide they care about defense and decide to pay attention to the Rose Bowl). For your entertainment and edification I am here to predict the outcome of each game by analyzing the uniforms of the teams involved. Just to prove that I really have lost my mind, I will then forecast the quality of the games based on the merits of the bowls' sponsors. The Cap'n has already previewed all the less notable bowl in some previous posts (follow these links for Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four in turn), but you can always count on the top level bowl games getting their own special post. The prospects of these match-ups have me so excited that I can literally feel a tingling in my toes . . . and my chest . . . and up and down my left arm. Hmmmm, that can't be god. Okay, we'll have to do this fast before the blurred vision and muscle spasms set in. Here are your BCS predictions . . .

Rose Bowl -1/1/2009
Penn State Nittany Lions v. Southern California Trojans
The Uniforms: Every year the Rose Bowl stands as its own special event. The contest in Pasadena always lives up to the hype though by bringing us some of the best that the tradition of college football has to offer. Penn State and Southern California certainly belong on any list of the most prestigious college football programs of all time. The Trojans wear that history of greatness on their sleeves. And their helmets. And their jerseys. And their pants. Not so much their cleats though. The cardinal and gold colors somehow appear bright and cheery but also bold and formidable. The accents and logos don't burden the smooth design and support the classic feeling these uniforms provoke. Penn State somehow gets away with the most basic kind of costuming that one could still call a football uniform. They start with a balnk white slate, inscribe what few numbers are necessary, add a blue stripe on the helmet, then call it quits. That's it. No logos. No flair. Nothing. I am almost stunned with who much these uniforms underwhelm the viewer. I would like to say I respect Penn State for their commitment to minimalism and simple design (maybe a hat tip to all of the Amish that reside in Pennsylvania?), however I have to predict a blowout win for the Trojans.

The Sponsor: The Rose Bowl is about the only bowl that has remained strong enough to not have the sponsor's name slapped in front of the name of the game. The Rose Bowl is presented by Citi Bank. Any other year I would take this as a side of strength. Given how weak banks have become in recent months though, any asssociation with a bank is enough to drag down the quality of the game. Watch out for one of the teams to put in a game that's as much of a disaster as the financial industry has been. This will be the first heavily one sided and ugly college football game of 2009.
The Prediction: Southern California- 42 Penn State- 21

FedEx Orange Bowl -1/1/2009
Cincinnati Bearcats v. Virginia Tech Hokies
The Uniforms: This bowl features some pretty nontraditional powers. Sure, the Hokies have become a real force over the past decade, but they were an unknown entity for most of college football history. While the University of Cincinnati has a storied basketball program, they have played in pretty much no notable football games. As you might expect both of these teams sport togs that reflect current success and modern sensibilities rather than classic style. Virginia Tech tries to bring a dynamic, active look with some well placed accent lines and a pretty spiffy logo. Unfortunately they selected a truly ugly color combination. During the regular season it almost works as an autumnal look with those seasonal oranges and browns. Now in the throes of winter those tones just seem inappropriate. The Bearcats are still wearing uniforms that belong on a mid-major team, even though they have recently moved into one of the elite conferences. Well at least the ostentatious chromatics and confounding logo of Cincinnati don't make me think of sweet potato casserole. I project a win by the Bearcats though not by an especially wide margin.

The Sponsor: For a lot of people, all means of delivering a package are pretty much the same. However I recently learned that FedEx was the company that pioneered connecting ground and air delivery systems. In keeping with that merging of transportation methods, I have a vision of a clash between different phases of the game. The outcome of the game will hinge on one team's ability to overcome crushing defense and phenomenal special teams with explosive offense. It promises to be an intersting contest.

The Prediction: Cincinnati- 27 Virginia Tech- 18

Allstate Sugar Bowl -1/2/2009
Utah Utes v. Alabam Crimson Tide
The Uniforms: I have to be honest this comparison inspires no real passion in me. I think Utah has an atrocious uniform. They tried to be modern and hip, but just wound up looking silly. The Alabama jerseys are a little bland and uninspiring. The Crimson Tide can at least pin their inadaquacies on tradition. The Crimson Tide will win easily, and I have nothing more to say.

The Sponsor: Allstate has never done much to distinguish themselves from other insurance companies in my mind. To me all insurance is a dull necessity. We all feel like we have to have it, but none of us really think about it that much. Thus I forecast a very dull game. Everyone will show up and go throw the motions as if it was really important, despite all the evidence to the contrary. There is some very small chance it will turn out to be an interesting game, but deep in you gut you don't believe it will.

The Prediction: Alabama- 36 Utah- 24

Tostitos Fiesta Bowl -1/5/2009
Ohio State Buckeyes v. Texas Longhorns
The Uniforms: Once again we are comparing two time-honored programs who have spent decades crafting some distinctive and impressive outfites. The Longhorns' football attire is practically an official symbol for the state of Texas. True, I may have some qualms with their preferred shade of orange -which still looks like pumpkin to me, no matter how many times they call it burnt. Everyone has to respect that logo, thought, that is iconography 101 slapped on the side of their helmets. The Buckeyes have some pretty iconic helmets of their own, especially when you start slapping the famous buckeye leaf stickers on the sides. As you can see above Ohio State, like any longstanding football team, has gone through a number of refinements. The most recent edition has significantly improved the Buckeye's design. Now their color scheme has an understated, unified look. The fashionable accents actually add some visual pop instead of just weighing down the eye. Unfortunately Ohio State's apparel still has a generally cluttered look. It will take a few more upgrades for the Buckeyes' style to match what the Longhorns' already have. This appears to be an impressive Texas win in the making.

The Sponsor: Tostitos has the unenviable task of trying to separate their tortilla chips from all the other salty corn-based snacks available to our obese nation. Somehow though they always seem to be one-step ahead. They created scoop shaped chips for easy dipping. They added a hint of lime flavoring incase you wanted to eat your chips while drinking Mexican beer. In a world on the verge of an epic case of nervous eating, Tostitos stands ready to serve our every gluttonous whim. We have ample evidence here that this will be an enjoyable game that we can devour in one sitting and not have to worry about in the morning.

The Prediction: Texas- 37 Ohio State- 24

BCS National Championship Game -1/8/2009
Florida Gators v. Oklahoma Sooners
The Uniforms: The national championship match-up provides us with two diverging philosophies on football apparel to analyze. On one hand you have Oklahoma's plain-spoken crimson and creme ensemble, which speaks to a certain rural humility and respect for tradition. Their logos and lettering appear functional yet impressive, like the work of a highly skilled craftsman. Never mind that the uniforms do nothing to tell you what a "sooner" is. The Florida outfits certainly do very little to remind you of an alligator. Whoever designed the Gators' look was obviously too concerned with other things, like making sure the uniforms stand out even from great distances or that there is plenty of pieces flair crammed onto the jerseys. If the Florida uniforms had truly taken on a modern look, with all the eccentricities and gimicks that involves. I might have pegged them for the win in a "future v. past" match-up. Since the Gators stopped short, they just look tacky by today's standards. I am left predicting a victory for Oklahoma and their loyalty to a traditional style.

The Sponsor: This year the FedEx company got its claws around the naming rights to this game. However they aren't really responsible for this game. This game exists as an extention of the entire bowl system. It represents the slow evolution of the sport from a diasporic post-season of mulitple bowl, to the inevitable unified play-off format. In a way this game is brought to us by the very sport itself. I can think of no better sponsor, and so I imagine there will be no better game.

The Prediction: Oklahoma- 45 Florida- 37

Since, that covers all the bowl games I can finally take a break. This much bloggin in a short span is just not the Capn's style. Fear not faithful reader (no, I did not intend to make that plural) as I will return to blogging again. So keep an eye out for the next release from the Buckerine Files.

The Buckerine Files: 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predicitions- Part 4

If you can already imagine yourself wearing one of these classic jerseys with your own name inscribed on the back, then you have what it takes to use the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction method. Image found at customauthenticjerseys.com.

We have already seen so many bowl games come and go and yet there are still so many remaining to be covered. In this edition of my Arbitrary Bowl Predictions -wherein I predict the outcomes of games by comparing the teams' uniforms, and I forecast the quality of the games based on the bowls' sponsors- I will only be covering bowls that occur on New Year's Day, the traditional home of the college football post season, and beyond. The very idea of their being bowls outside of January 1st is still a strange concept to many, let alone their being enough games to fill three further blog posts. So if you need to ease into it go back and review Part One, Part Two and Part Three. No let's get ready to ring in 2009 with some more ridiculous prognostication . . .

Outback Bowl -1/1/2009
South Carolina Gamecocks v. Iowa Hawkeyes
The Uniforms: We can begin by observing that these two teams clearly drawn even with each other in the area of mascots. Only an ornithologist would enjoy that comparison. So we'll step right past that and start critiquing the clothes on the players' backs. Iowa sports some powerful duds. The yellow and black combination is always a powerful visual stimulant (Why else would bees wear it so often?). The no-nonsense design commands the respect of anyone who sees it. This is a design so good it belongs on an NFL team with a tradition of greatness, like say the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Gamecocks managed to craft an outfit without needing to rip-off a storied pro franchise. They did however seem to find it necessary to use an impotent shade of red (I'm really not sure if that counts as a pun.), and a slew of useless accents to clash with their throwback logo. Despite the unoriginal motif, I still find the Hawkeyes look pretty damn impressive,and I'll peg them for a solid win.

The Sponsor: Among all the restaurants that sell booze and put a lot fo stupid crap on their walls, I would have to name Outback Steakhouse as one of my least favorite. In all my experience with Outback, I am overcome by two factors. All their restaurants seem to have too little light and give you way too much food. This makes me expect that this game will have too little defense and way too much defense for most viewers' taste.
The Prediction: Iowa- 21 South Carolina- 9

Konica Minolta Gator Bowl -1/1/2009
Nebraska Cornhuskers v. Clemson Tigers
The Uniforms: We find in Clemson yet another uniform selection that many college football fans revile. The Tigers' heavy use of fresh-carrot orange and bruised-fruit purple seem to offend the eyes of some college football afficianados. I actually like the brashness of the color scheme, and the cleverly inconic logo. These are outfits that require and inspire confidence. Of course most college football fans would list Nebraska's look among the classics of the sport. Their bare-bones red and white outfits with a minimalist capital "N" for a logo could be interpreted as the very ideal of midwestern modesty. In my eyes though these plain Jane affairs lack any true life and spark. I will ignore the haters and call for a rousing Clemson victory.
The Sponsor: I will put aside whatever residual anger I may have from years of paper jams and clogged toner cartirdges. We have all come to rely on printers for much of what we do in life. However most of us could care less about what brand of printer we use. There are certainly a few people who subscribe to Consumer Reports and comparison shop based on manufacturer. Most of us just what something inexpensive and effective, and we don't even know what printer we have in the home or at the office without looking. So I predict that this will be a fairly unexciting game resulting in a sadly generic score.

The Prediction: Clemson- 21 Nebraska- 17

Capital One Bowl -1/1/2009
Michigan State Spartans v. Georgia Bulldogs
The Uniforms: This contest provides us an intriguing opportunity to compare the unintended consequences that accumulate after a series of related decisions. In this case the Michigan State uniforms showcase a number of daring choices, including a chromatically unusual jersey, a subdued lettering scheme, and a slightly confusing logo. (If you didn't know their mascat, I doubt "helmet of a Spartan soldier" would be the first thing you thought of when you saw that shape.) Yet somehow all of those questionable selections produce a proud, up-standing ensemble. The Georgia uniforms are the very inversion of this. All of the elements that compose their outfits are generally safe, a solid palette, sturdy fonts, and a very *ahem* professional looking logo. Added together they somehow become less than the sum of their parts. The Bulldogs design lacks direction and, dare I pun, bite! When I look at the Spartans, I feel assured about their football prowess. When I look at the Bulldogs, I feel uninspired and underwhelmed. Expect the Spartans to win, but count on them to look like they should lose for most of the game.

The Sponsor: Since my credit history is so bad I can't even get an adjustable rate mortgage, I have very little experience with the major credit card companies. I have seen quite a few of Capital One's advertisements though, and they usually amuse me. Also they had the brilliant idea to pair the bowl with the Capitol One Mascot Challenge which is one of the most entertaining distractions associated with college football. That all but guarantees a highly entertaining and engaging game.

The Prediction: Michigan State- 29 Georgia- 26

AutoZone Liberty Bowl -1/2/2009
Kentucky Wildcats v. East Carolina Pirates
The Uniforms: East Carolina has the raw materials necessary to forge an amazing uniform. They have one of the greatest mascots available in the mascot in the pirate. The colors are brave and striking. I am baffled that they can take those ingredients and make such an unpleasant jersey. Their helmet logo is awful. The shade of purple they use is hideous. Worst of all they don't tap into the pirate motif at all! The Pirates are fortunate that they have drawn the very weak attire of the Kentucky Wildcats. The apparel of Kentucky utilizes a flat blue and white look and hopes that their clever old school logo is enough to spice it up. I feel sorry for Kentucky they had one of the easiest match-ups they could have drawn, and they were still too lame to win.

The Sponsor: Some personal experience of mine plays heavily in favor of the sponsor in this case. In the last few months I have needed to perform a handful of minor car repairs just to keep my ride in good working order. My local AutoZone has not only supplies the needed materials, but the staff also helped out with some much guidance and moral support. So in honor of all the service I received from AutoZone, I'll declare that this will be a top level game.

The Prediction: East Carolina- 27 Kentucky- 24

AT&T Cotton Bowl -1/2/2009
Ole Miss Rebels v. Texas Tech Red Raiders
The Uniforms: Texas Tech is a program trying to climb the ranks and join the elite programs. Toward that purpose they have chosen an assertive design that uses such strident coloring and self-assured lettering to create an aggressively intimidating look. You can tell how strident and ambitious this team is without even seeing them take a snap. The Ole Miss jerseys actually find a great deal of success using some cumbersome elements. I have seen plenty of other teams make a hash out of the red, white, and blue motif. The Rebels see there way through that challenge and come out looking classy. Throw in some old fashioned Southern charm and you have a rather pleasing outfit. Ultimately, I side with the raw dominating force of Texas Tech.

The Sponsor: Time used to be that AT&T had a monopolistic reign over the telecommunication industry. Now new technologies and more innovative companies have robbed AT&T of its dominant status and threatened to turn it into the relic of a by-gone era. That signifies a game where the more traditional team fights valiantly but is overcome by the more inventive teams' superior tactics.

The Prediction: Texas Tech- 43 Ole Miss- 35

International Bowl -1/3/2009
Connecticut Huskies v. Buffalo Bulls
The Uniforms: Of all the comparisons I have made for this piece, this definitely is the sorriest combination of uniforms I have seen. Apologies to all the Huskies and Bulls fans out there, but your teams' have some lame outfits. I've seen more daring attire on Benedictine monks. There's no wonder why we exported this contest to Canada. The Buffalo uniforms are just a mass of blue with little accent; it's practically nondescript. The apparel donned Connecticut does virtually nothing as well. I almost feel as if these good be the home/road jersey combo for some generic team from a bland sports movie. I suppose that the stripes on the Huskies' jerseys are micrometrically less generic, so I will project them to win by the smallest of edges.

The Sponsor: What this bowl lacked in fashion it more than makes up for with its classy backer: the city of Toronto, Ontario! (That's in Canada.) Like many other bleeding-heart liberals from the United States, I often fantasize of moving to the socialist paradise neighboring us to the north. If Canada is secretly envied by the rest of the world, then surely Toronto is secretly envied by the rest of Canada. The city is so impressive that Superman's creators modeled his fictional hometown of Metropolis after Toronto. No one could wish for a finer city to visit or in which to live. Accordingly I foresee that no one could wish to attend or watch a finer game. I predict it will have everything from unforgettable plays, to awe inspiring finishes, all wrapped up with a thrilling finish. If there is even a modicum of truth to this predictions (and of course, there isn't) you won't want to miss this game.

The Prediction: Connecticut- 29 Buffalo- 27 (UConn win by scoring a miracle touchdown as time expires)

GMAC Bowl -1/6/2009
Ball State Cardinals v. Tulsa Golden Hurricane
The Uniforms: Tulsa takes a pretty silly concept and makes it work wonderfully as gridiron fashion. I have no idea why a team landlocked in the middle of Oklahoma would name themselves off of a coastal weather system. If you just take that as a given though the design is very strong. They combine their titular gold with the colors of the hurricane warning flag and layer it over a shade of blue that could represent the prairie sky or the stormy sea. They keep all the lines smooth and sleek. This uniform is both clever and fun. At first glance I also enjoyed the Ball State jerseys. They use a modern design and incorporate some widely respected pigments. Then I saw the helmet and immediately felt disappointed. Ball State had such good potential, but is was pretty much ruined by the hideous drawing of a bird. I don't even think it looks much like a cardinal. To me it looks more like some kind of demon finch that chased Picasso in his nightmares. The Cardinals' helmet allow Tulsa to take this game with relative ease.

The Sponsor: I am surprised GMAC is still willing to sponsor a bowl. They are basically a financial service for General Motors. Given that the major automakers are in trouble and that the entire financial sector is one giant dumpster fire, I wouldn't be surprised if the check they wrote to cover the bowl's expenses didn't bounce. This is a sponsor in a bad place. As such I expect this game will be unwatchable, mostly because one of the teams will find themselves in a bad place. Maybe a star player will be injured or maybe they just will clearly be rusty and out of rhythm all game. In any case the side that already had the advantage will have no problems taking and holding a lead.

The Prediction: Tulsa- 33 Ball State- 14

With those bowls now forecasted, we only have the BCS bowls left to discuss. Join me then when I break out my last set of Arbitrary Bowl Predictions for the season.

The Buckerine Files: 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predicitions- Part 3

Will the much maligned uniforms of the Oregon Ducks finally prove to be advantageous in their big bowl game. If connecting a team's appearance to their performance doesn't make sense to you then you need to read about the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method. The above image was swiped off goducks.com.

As the year closes, the bowl games start sprouting like acne on Roger Clemens' back. If someone just gave you a wad of cash as a holiday present and you want to wager it away betting college football, then I recommend having a little fun when you make your selections. This is why I provide the blogosphere with my Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method, where I predict the winners and scores of games based on a silly comparison that has no true relation to college football performance. This year I am weighing the teams based on how visually pleasing I find their uniforms. As an added eccentricity (because life would be too simple otherwise), I also evaluate each bowl's sponsor to determine the potential quality of the game. This is Part 3. You can find Part 1 and Part 2 in my archives.

Since I'm facing a panoply of bowl match-ups, I will be trying to forecast most of them quickly. So get ready for a collection of slightly smaller predictions (though of course your Cap'n will always find time to get verbose when a particular bowl warrants it). Onward then, to a new year, and a new set of bowl prognostication . . .

Independence Bowl -12/28/2008
Northern Illinois Huskies v. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs
The Uniforms: With a nice solid letter format, mostly unadorned jerseys and pretty good logo of a dog head on top of , Northern Illinois has some respectable uniforms. The Huskies wouldn't be mistake for a traditional power in that get-up, but for a team from a mid-major conference like the MAC, they certainly look like a force with which to be reckoned (that's for all you grammarians out there, you're welcome). Louisiana Tech wouldn't look like a force in any kind of conference. They use a bad combination of clashing reds and blues, and an ugly logo that should belong to the third-tier oil company run off a Clampett-like oil strike in the Louisiana swamps. The Huskies are easy winners here.

The Sponsor: We can thank the PetroSun company for putting on this bowl game. Other than bringing the college football postseason to the Shreveport, Louisiana, PetroSun's most notable activity seems to be an effort to turn algae into biodiesel fuel. I know alternative energy sources are all the rage these days, but tapping pond scum as a power supply seems like a highly unlikely prospect to me. Accordingly, I don't forsee much chance of anything exciting happening. This will be an ugly game where most of the points are scored on broken plays or off of obvious mistakes by the opponent. So, I guess what I'm telling you is, don't bother setting the DVR for this one.
The Prediction: Northern Illinois- 37 Louisiana Tech- 14

PapaJohn's.com Bowl-12/29/2008
North Carolina State Wolfpack v. Rutgers Scarlet Knights
The Uniforms: The Wolfpack have a lot of little things wrong with their uniforms. Their logo is unclear and awkward. Their jersey design doesn't flow in a fluid manner. While their style doesn't project strength and power, their overall look is still solid and confident. The Scarlet Knights also lack a very formidable appearance. The Rutgers' ensemble does have the kind of simplicity and unpolished charms you would expect from one of college football's oldest team. Their bright red jerseys give a nice visual pop, but don't come close to intimidating the viewer. At least NC State has some threatening elements, giving them a rather large edge in this contest.

The Sponsor: You would think PapaJohn's.com would be low hanging fruit for a snide and cynical blogger to pick apart (for example: How do you put an apostrophe in a URL?). I will leave that to other lazier bloggers. I am here to defend PapaJohn's.com. This is a terrific website, if only because you can now order home pizza delivery over Internet. That is so awesome. One more thing I can do without ever having to directly interact with humas. Now all I need to do is perfect my robot that answers the door and pays the deliveryman, and I'll be set. This gives me high hopes for a highly entertaining back and forth game with lots of exciting plays.

The Prediction: North Carolina State- 37 Rutgers- 33

Alamo Bowl -12/29/2008
Missouri Tigers v. Northwestern Wildcats
The Uniforms: The slick packaging of Missouri's uniforms creates a bold, assertive look that suggests a gutsy, risk-taking attitude. This is slightly undermined by the old-fashioned block "M" helmet logo they sport. This looks like a team with an Achilles' heel just waiting to be exposed. Northwestern has to compensate for several goofy elements in their gear, not the least of which is their weak shade of purple. They cover with a well-coordinated design that implies smooth execution and aggressive action on the gridiron. It helps both teams that their sadly generic mascot emblem cannot be toppped by their opponent, since they also have one of the three most common mascots in existence (if only we could incorporate the Mississippi State Bulldogs somehow, then we would be set). I'll have to favor the Tigers in this one, since their uni's made the better first impression.

The Sponsor: Who better to front a bowl game in Texas than an oil company like Valero? Valero must be feeling a little dissappointed since earlier this year they had peak oil prices, and now they're practically giving the stuff away at less than $2 a gallon. Similarly a match-up between these particular teams may have seemed like a much bigger draw earlier in the season. So I will guess that like the cheap gas, this game will be enjoyable, shortlived, but dulled by the shadow of recent troubles and the knowledge that next year can only disappoint.

The Prediction: Missouri- 33 Northwestern- 27

Texas Bowl -12/30/2008
Western Michigan Broncos v. Rice Owls
The Uniforms: This was a hard match-up to get a handle on. I found the Broncos' appearance to be brash, bold, and generally dysfunctional and unpleasant to look at. Their color scheme clashes at points and certain elements stand out like racing stripes. The logo struck me as over-the-top aggressive, to the point that I found it laughable. By the same measure, the Rice ensemble does little to assert itself. Their ability to project a dominating attitude toward the game of football falls apart once you notice all of their lettering looks like it was generated by the campus calligraphy club. I guess Rice should win, because at the very least their gear was consistent.

The Sponsor: The Texas Bowl appears to be sponsored by the entire state of Texas. In actuality it is only put on by the city of Houston, TX. I guess the whole state couldn't get behind this one specific bowl considering there are three other bowls played in Texas as well. That means instead of getting a game with Texas-sized entertainment, we only get a game as entertaining as Houston. I'm sorry Houston. I've never been, but I've heard nothing but bad things. This game looks like a game that seems to take forever, but never has any really great moments. Trust me the boys in ESPN's editing room will have a hard time making a highlight reel out of this one.

The Prediction: Rice- 26 Western Michigan- 16

Pacific Life Holiday Bowl- 12/30/2008
Oklahoma State Cowboys v. Oregon Ducks
The Uniforms: Of all the bowl match-ups available this season this may be the most interesting. Here we have two uniforms which both have been widely derided and included on lists of the ugliest uniforms in college football. They seem likely candidates to draw numerous detractors as they share a similar philosophy. They both abandon anything traditional in favor of the school of modern jersey design, with bright -maybe even aggressive- pigments, and numerous extraneous decorative touches. To anyone accustomed to college football uniforms as worn by Johnny Rodgers or Jim Plunkett the brazenly flashy costumes worn in this bowl game will certainly come as a shock. For those football fans raised in the current era, these sort of fashion strategies are routine. From the color schemes which accost they eye, to the multiple variations that maximize merchandize possibilities, they've come to expect these sort of things from Nike (which has a close relationship with the University of Oregon). In some ways it's very difficult to pick a winner between these gridiron ensembles. To most fans this is a contest between two disturbing eyesores, and to the rest its just another side of rampant commercialism stealing all the fun from sports.
I will still attempt to analyze this match-up, and make whatever contrasts can be made between these uniforms. For starters the Cowboys and Ducks both use trendy, highly stylized letterings, but the Pokes' labels are at least slightly legible while the Quake's inscriptions can cause vetigo if you look at them too closely. More importantly though Oregon has a nasty tendency to mix and match their jersey, pants, and helmet combinations, which means we have no way of predicting exactly what outfits they will be wearing come game time. If I can't be sure what they'll wear, then I can have no confidence in how well they play. So I forecast an easy victory for Oklahoma State, despite the high "ick" factor of their own uniforms.

The Sponsor: I have a lot of anger toward Pacific Life, though not for anything related to the insurance side of their business. I take umbrage at their advertisements. Specifically that awful 30-second spot of garbage that involves whales slapping their fins and tales, seemingly to rock music. I have dubbed this ad "Rock Whales" and you can watch the video here. WARNING: THIS VIDEO IS HIGHLY ANNOYING AND DEFINITELY N.S.F.W. (Not Safe For Whales). They have offended my good taste and ruined the sense of safety I once had watching college football. For that advert alone, I condemn this game to be a sad one-sided affair that features more mistakes and sloppy play than exciting moments or highlight worthy material.

The Prediction: Oklahoma State- 41 Oregon- 24

Roady's Humanitarian Bowl -12/30/2008
Maryland Terrapins v. Nevada Wolf Pack
The Uniforms: Maryland's outfit is far too cluttered and busy to befit a respectable football team. The ensemble must carry so many accents and embelishments that I'm surprised their was still room left for the players' names and numbers. It frankly looks like the designer took some blank swatches, crammed on every element they could take from the Maryland state flag and the University of Maryland's logo, and then wrapped it around an unfortunate football team. The players for Nevada are much more fortunate. They get uniforms with a well defined look, smooth and professional. The accent lines on the shoulders and very aggressive helmet logo help add to the assertive attitude of the ensemble. These uniforms could just as easily belong to any highly regarded football. This is an easy -nay, effortless- win for the Wolf Pack.

The Sponsor: There have been some pretty lame bowl sponsors in the history of college football's post-season. The Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl, galleryfurniture.com Bowl, and the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl all spring readily to mind. Among any list of the worst though, you have to find room for the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl. This is a bowl that owes its existence to a series of truck stops. Plus the game will be played in Boise, Idaho, hardly a popular tourist destination. It's no surprise to me that interest in this bowl seems to be so low, even among the teams' fans. Just as tired motorists will gladly drive past truck stops fearing seedy characters and unhygenic conditions, I predict that viewers will flip past this game for fear of unmotivated execution and playcalling and the kind of weather that leads to poor football playing conditions.

The Prediction: Nevada- 39 Maryland- 17

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl -12/30/2008
Houston Cougars v. Air Force Falcons
The Uniforms: The Air Force uniforms are nonsensical in their design. The colors at least evoke the idea of the sky, appropriate for the aviational branch of our armed forces. Nothing else works in this outfit. The logos don't match the mascot. The lettering misses the obvious chance to utilize military imagery. The Falcons' look is just a mess, implying inconsistent effort and unfocused execution. The Houston Cougars are not a traditional football power, and their uniforms are not the timeless iconic designs we associate with those programs. However they do have the boldy direct chromatic scheme and an old fashioned logo you need to create a reasonable facsimile of a classic look. So while the play of the Cougar football team may not be great, it will at least approach greatness. I foresee an ultimate Houston victory, but it may be a close one.

The Sponsor: This sponsor got me excited once I saw it. I am a big fans of all things helicopter related. If there were a cable channel that played nothing but helicopter related content, I would watch it all day. I will predicte that this contest involves some back and forth action and several game breaking plays. This should be a fun game.

The Prediction: Houston- 37 Air Force- 27

Sun Bowl -12/31/2008
Oregon State Beavers v. Pittsburgh Panthers
The Uniforms: Pittsburgh has everything you could ask for in a classic college football outfit. They have sturdy lettering, a straight-forward logo, and a confident color pattern bordering on the archetypal. The look suits a widely respected football program with a distinguished history. Oregon State lacks almost everything you would find in a classic uniform. College football fashionistas generally consider the Oregon State look one of college football's ugliest. The fatal flaw of the Beaver design is that it overexerts itself in an attempt to appear dynamic. Superficially, I would project a blowout, but there is something about the sheer chutzpah of Oregon State's attire that I have to respect. I guess I'll call for a win for Pitt, and for the Beavers to make a game of it.

The Sponsor: Your thank you cards for this bowl can be sent to the makers of Brut, a fragrance for men. Though they may be the first thanks they have gotten for awhile. In my observation not that many people appreciate men's cologne. Men always seem to resent wearing it, or find it a lackluster instrument of attracting female attention. Women always seem bothered by the overbearing quantities that men wearing, or roll their eyes at the absurdity of a greasy, hairy, adult males trying to smell like a basket of posies. As such, I imagine this is a game that will be a little heavy on the offense, to the degree that viewers openly mock the lack of defense. This game might seem entertaining from the boxscore, but it will probably get tedious to see each side allow more touchdowns than punts after the first half.

The Prediction: Pittsburgh- 48 Oregon State- 35

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl -12/31/2008
Boston College Eagles v. Vanderbilt Commodores
The Uniforms: This is a bit of weak match-up in terms of fashion. Vanderbilt looks like they're wearing hand me downs from another team. I can't think of any way a giant star or a black and gold outfit fit in with the Commodore mascot anyway. Of course the Eagles suffer a similar problem. Boston College's design is very much like an NFL team, except they seem to have had all the really fun and colorful touches stripped off. Still, at least the Eagles have a consistent appearance and sound design. I'll just call for a Boston College with a decent margin of victory.

The Sponsor: I can just imagine all the obvious and highly offensive jokes the other bloggers are using when they talk about this bowl. For my part, I can't actually recall ever staying in or even seeing a Gaylord Hotel before. This must be due to their extreme rarity and exclusivity. Accordingly we can expect the score for this game to be a combination of rare numbers that aren't considered natural to the game of football. When you see the score flash across a ticker on the bottom of the screen, you might assume it's a baseball score at first. I always find those kinds of games enjoyable in the same way I always take a chance to stay at a special hotel.

The Prediction: Boston College- 11 Vanderbilt- 5

Chick-fil-A Bowl -12/31/2008
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets v. Louisiana State Tigers
The Uniforms: For a team with multiple national championships, LSU has some goofy uniforms. The color combination is the sort of thing you get when you let a toddler have free reign over the Crayola Box of 8. Anything that leads to anyone associating tigers with yellow and purple has be damaging to society. The helmet logo seems antiquated to such a degree that I can't even imagine an era when it would have been cutting edge. This puts Georgia Tech in a pretty good position, except they aren't all that strong in their own right. They put a lot of emphasis on gold in the jersey which can be underwhelming as a focal color. Then they back it up with lots of white and some old school lettering, more weak choices. In the end, I favor the Yellow Jackets for having an appearance relevant to today's football culture.

The Sponsor: Chick-fil-A is almost the perfect fast food restaurant. Their menue is unique, universally delicious, and relatively healthy. Plus, I have never recieved bad service at a Chick-fil-A. The snag in the system is that they are closed on Sundays. I understand their reasons, but I feel like it's a bit of burden for everyone who doesn't give Sunday special reverence, or can't control their cravings for more than 24 hours. That's the glaring flaw in a sponsor that indicates a glaring problem will occur in this game. It will likely come as a blown call or fluke occurance that winds up being the deciding factor in the game. An otherwise enjoyable game will then have a frustrating memory forever associated with it, which is a shame.

The Prediction: Georgia Tech- 29 Louisiana State- 21

Insight Bowl -12/31/2008
Kansas Jayhawks v. Minnesota Golden Gophers
The Uniforms: Apologies to whoever actually did craft the Jayhawk's apparel, but it really looks like someone just swiped the uniforms of a certain professional football team from New York. It isn't a bad look to plagiarize. You get strong hues, an iconic logo, and an all-around memorable ensemble. Still, I have to frown on Kansas for using outfits that so clearly intimidate another team's. This means that Minnesota can be forgiven for many of their crimes against sartorial aesthetics . The wretchedly ugly color combination can be put behind us. The outdated logo is forgotten. Even the cartoon character mascot can even be overlooked. If you don't worry about all that then you have to admire the rustic charm of the Golden Gophers' uniforms. That charm is just enough to put Minnesota over Kansas.

The Sponsor: Insight technology services has the naming rights to this bowl. However the bowl is actually being run by the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl people. In my experience anytime you combine tortilla chips and advanced technology you usually wind up with a multitude of malfunctions and occasionally sparks. With this in mind, I can foresee a game that involves both teams struggling to execute. The players will be plagues with communication problems and difficulties finding their rhythm and pacing for most of the second half. Eventually they will settle down and play 30 minutes of respectable football as the coaches finally diagnosis and mend the root problem. That reminds me I need to call technical support . . .

The Prediction: Minnesota- 24 Kansas-17

With most of the major bowls now on the horizon, I will take a break to regroup and ready myself for more indepth blogging. For anyone following this exercise in the absurd, you spend a little time interacting with the real world now. It will save you thousands of dollars on therapy bills later on in life. Just be sure to return for more Arbitrary Bowl Prediction.

The Buckerine Files: 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predicitions- Part 2

If you can pick which of these college football uniforms you prefer then you have all the skills you need to utilize the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method. Picture take from talkingsportsapparel.com.

Thank you for joining me in my continuing pursuit of sports gambling absurdity. This is Part Two of this year's exercise in predicting the outcomes of college football's bowl games using an arbitrary and absurd method. Part One can be viewed here. This bowl season I decided to project every bowl's result and final score based on a comparison of the two teams' uniforms. Then I determine the quality of the game based on my opinion of their sponsor. Why am I doing this? I didn't know you needed a reason to post random and foolhardy items on a blog. So let's get to the predictions . . .

Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl-12/24/2008
Notre Dame Fighting Irish v. Hawai'i Warriors
The Uniforms: For many Americans the first image of college football in their minds is of a Notre Dame player in his strident blue and gold uniform. The Fighting Irish have remained loyal to that vivid yet unpretentious design, and it has served them well carrying them to the pinnacle of the sport. In recent times though, as newer and more vibrant fashions have arisen the fortune of the Irish have slumped. So it seems as if the unadorned primary pigments of Notre Dame may be a hindrance in this match-up. The Hawai'i Warriors boast a style that is much more in keeping with the times. They use a nontraditional color combination of black and greens, with stylized accents reminiscent of the polynesian culture native to the Hawaiian Islands. You also have to give credit to Hawai'i for avoiding the plight of Notre Dame by ditching their older, more "colorful" uniforms in favor of the new hotness. While both these teams have uniforms that suit their personalities, the Fighting Irish have a merely have a good fit; the Warriors have a perfectly taylored ensemble.
The Sponsor: There's plenty of snarky things to say about the companies and products that sponsor bowls. I have made many derogatory remarks about them, and I plan to make many more. Here however you will here nothing but effulgent praise and hearty recommendations from me when it comes to the fine people and facilities at Sheraton Hotels. If they would stake their substantial credibility and brand loyalty to a bowl, then I am certain the game will be a highly entertaining match-up. (For those of you who will accuse me of trying to schmooze the Sheraton brand in the hopes of getting discount rates for my next vacation, I can only say that I am deeply wounded. You should have more respect for your Cap'n than to question his integrity like that. Shame on you.)

The Prediction: Hawai'i- 30 Notre Dame- 27

Motor City Bowl-12/26/2008
Florida Atlantic Owls v. Central Michigan Chippewas
The Uniforms: Any honest critic who assess Central Michigan's football uniforms has to admit the have a surprisingly effective look. Just think that at some point some poor fashion designer was handed a school no one had ever heard of, an unusual color scheme, and a mascot the NCAA would rather I didn't mention, and told to make some intimidating football jerseys. That highly skilled individual, took all that and crafted a set of outfits that appear more sophisticated and professional than anything else to ever come out of Mount Pleasant, Michigan. So what if the logo is still a little goofy, or the lettering looks a little amateurish. The overall achievement is still an effective look for the gridiron. Florida Atlantic wishes it had that level of design. They have a goofy mascot, and stridently generic palette of red, white and blue. They needed some help to avoid a style that screams "mid-major also ran". Instead they got an over-the-top affair that would only appease hyper-patriots with an ornithology fetish. The Owls are coming into this game at a significant disadvantage.

The Sponsor: Theoretically the Motor City Bowl is presented by the city of Detroit's entire business community. In reality, it like most things in Detroit is backed by the major U.S. automobile manufacturers. In this case Ford and General Motors have teamed up. Except it seems times must have gotten really tough for the car companies, as they couldn't even sponsor a bowl this year without a bailout. Now two of the most powerful and notable corporations in the United States have to share the bill with the Michigan Regional Council of Carpenters & Millwrights. Economically troubled sponsors do not promise a strong football game. Much like the last 25 years of the history of the American auto industry, I predict this game will feature unwise decisions, poor execution, and nothing to appeal to the interests of modern American's.

The Prediction: Central Michigan- 26 Florida Atlantic- 20

Champs Sports Bowl -12/27/2008
Wisconsin Badgers v. Florida State Seminoles
The Uniforms: Florida State's football team sports one of the great modern uniforms. The style is sleek. The hues and lettering are all eye-catching and memorable. The helmet logo is pretty much perfection. If Notre Dame's blue and gold outfit is the first football uniform most American's think of, then Florida State's garnet and gold look is the uniform that stands-out most to football fans younger than 40. Wisconsin drew a tough match-up here, and they don't exactly bring a lot of fashion fire power. Their red and white striped motif is fairly bare bones. You are almost fooled into thinking its one of the classic uniforms where simplicity is a virtue, until you notice the big cartoon-y "W". Part of me really likes Wisconsin's gear just for the spirit of Midwestern geniality it projects. So I will make guess that Wisconsin at least manages to make it respectable.

The Sponsor: I imagine I have had a substantial amount of experience with Champs; I just don't particularly remember any of it. Since their retail outlets always seem to flourish in suburban shopping malls, I have certainly had many encounters with them, but only because I wondered in blindly during some more extensive shopping trip. Honestly I couldn't tell you the difference between Champs Sports and any of the other sporting goods stores you find inbetween Bath & Body Works and Suncoast Video. There relative anonimity is largely irrelevant though, as the service they provide is invaluable. For millions of American men who are conscripted into unendurable shopping sprees with spouses or significant others, these sports relates oasises are the only respite they know from endless hours spent standing outside fitting rooms holding someone else's purse. For providing that momentary break from the drudgery of an afternoon at the mall, Champs Sports have the thanks of a great many. With that record I have to forecast a very interesting and entertaining game that will keep fans of both teams engaged until the very end.

The Prediction: FSU- 45 Wisconsin- 33

Emerald Bowl-12/27/2008
University of Miami Hurricanes v. California Golden Bears
The Uniforms: Much like Florida State, The University of Miami (not to be confused with Miami University) rose in recent decades to become the very definition of a modern power in the college football landscape. Along with their dominance on the field, the Hurricanes also became the trendsetters in football fashion. Their brightly colored jerseys and liberal use of flair were soon imitated by other teams. In recent years though Miami has lost its elite status as a football power, and along with it the pass from sartorial criticism it so desperately needed. Now, just as the peasants can see that the emperor has no clothes, we can plainly see that the Hurricanes' get-ups are really a disjointed assemblage of elements in garish colors guaranteed to cause eye pain. I would much rather have the uniforms of the Golden Bears. The may use a generic chromatic array and a lame helmet logo, but at least the design is functional and you don't need tinted glasses to look at them.

The Sponsor: It may be called the Emerald Bowl, but it isn't sponsored by gem stones. The money making this event possible actually comes from Diamond Foods which owns the Emerald Nuts brand. I could get behind a producer of snack nuts sponsoring a bowl. After all I enjoy anything that can give me a salty protein boost between meals (wait a second; that doesn't sound right). My problem is that they didn't have the courage to go ahead and put their name out there. Maybe they felt a little ashamed for clogging up December with yet another minor-event bowl between two mediocre teams. When the sponsor doesn't really put themselves out there to promote the game, I have to assume that one of the teams won't really show up for the game. So expect this to turn into a one sided affair pretty quickly.

The Prediction: California- 37 U. Miami- 17

Meineke Car Care Bowl -12/27/2008
West Virgina Mountaineers v. North Carolina Tar Heels
The Uniforms: I respect the courage of the UNC Tar Heels to compete on the gridiron wearing a shade of blue most commonly associated with balloons reading "It's A Boy!" and helmets protecting United Nations Security Forces. Actually if you were to see the Tar Heels in a black and white photograph, you could appreciate the modest and conservative design that any traditional power would be proud to wear. North Carolina's uniforms don't receive much respect, because the school is mostly known for its basketball program. Also, their helmet logo looks like it was pulled from the cover of Laugh comics. Plus, there's the anavoidable fact that a football team in baby blue jerseys would hardly intimidate a box of marshmellow Peeps. Other than all that, these are some pretty good uniforms. The West Virginia Mountaineers look like they play. Their uniforms and logo are both trim and streamlined, suggesting a style of football focused on speed and aggression. Indeed the Mountaineers have been trailblazers in mastering the spread-out, high energy, high velocity offense that has defined college football in recent years. There's a lot of zip in these togs, but the many accents also suggest a hyperactive and distracted style, which could hurt WVU in some games as well. Also some of their color combinations can be close to nauseating. Overall I will project that the sound basic quality of North Carolina overcomes the flashy but risky play of West Virginia.

The Sponsor: Plenty of pundits have mocked the fact that bowls have had to turn to businesses like automechanics to sponsor these bowls. However if you think about it we have all had a moment in our life when we have desperately needed a professional to repair our car and save our day. Plus, the only thing that defines blue collar America almost as well as football is automobile maintenence. So let's all give the Meineke company our respect, and give this game the respect to anticipate an intense game full of crucial make-or-break moments.

The Prediction: North Carolina- 28 West Virginia- 21

Well, it looks like we have to take a break for a TV timeout. While I pause for station identification and a word from my sponsors, you should go out and enjoy your holidays. So have a Happy Christmas Eve/Christmas/Jewish-Christmas/Boxing Day, and come back to the Capn for your next set of college football bowl game predictions.

The Buckerine Files: 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predicitions- Part 1

How can Da U's wide variety of outfits help them win a bowl game? I'll explain in this year's edition of Arbitrary Bowl Predictions. (Image lifted from allcanes.com)

Anymore, I am half convinced that human societies only establish traditions because we can rely on so little else in life. For example, I always associated this time of year with the bitter flavor of crisp winter air, the delicate crackling sound of boots sinking into snowbanks, and stinging glare of pure white sunshine as it momentarily peeks through the woolly clouds during the solstice shortened day. Those were the natural signals of winter for me. At least they were until I moved to North Carolina, where we are still experiencing balmy days in the mid-60's with sunny conditions throughout. Back in Ohio or Michigan this kind of weather in December would be greeted by temporary jubilation than panic in the streets as millions realized in horror that Al Gore was right. I tried complaining about this to a friend that lives in Minnesota, and was told to perform an anatomical impossibility. While few may pity this particular plight, certainly we can all agree that life offers very few things we upon which we can truly rely.

This is yet one more reason to love college football's bowl season. For nearly a century the most unique post-season in all of sport has managed to remain an annual truism for fans of college football. While pro-football signature game is a relatively recent tradition, and baseball has had to cancel the World Series more than once, the bowl games have been with us for nearly a century. The bowls have endured a great deal even changing locations or taking on non-traditional teams during times of crisis. If college football were to ever obtain a playoff for its top sub-division, some part of me would mourn the death knell that would represent for the reliable tradition of the bowl games. (Granted that isn't a sensible or defensible reason to oppose a playoff. For that you would need to cite that a college football playoff would be infeasible, or at least impractical, hegemonic, and fundamentally meaningless.)

Even in my short time of blogging I haven't been able to match the dependability of the bowl season. Though I may post infrequently, I always thought I would find time to pay my respect to college football's spectacular month-long finale. Yet it only took three years for me to miss a round of Arbitrary Bowl Predictions. Letting go of my regret and disappointment over failing in that self-imposed obligation, I am determined to return yet again to providing the very worst in gambling advice to the greater blogosphere. Even though some have grown weary of amateurs making lame efforts at prognostication, I take heart that even The Lawmaker finds room in his heart for my kind of predictions. With both a renewed sense of dedication and the implicit support of bloggers much more successful than me, I will once again layout my nonsensical method for evaluating this seasons batch of bowl games.

For anyone reading my Arbitrary Bowl Predictions for the first time, I should explain what I'm doing here. Since the college football games are popular among office pick'em pools and gamblers wintering in Vegas, I have used them to demonstrate the only logical method for sports gambling. Essentially, because of all the variables and random chances involved in sports wagers (not to mention the bookmakers), no sports gambler short of a professional bettor is capable of making winning wagers in any kind of consistent or predictable manner. Therefore if you would like to spice up your football expereince by risking your money on the outcomes of the games, the only sensible thing to do is write off everything as a loss and not worry about how you pick your bets.

To assist you in this laizez-faire approach, I offer an arbitrary method of picking the winners and scores of each bowl game. Then I offer my own analysis and explanations of each match-up using that arbitrary prediction method. This year I will be basing my prediction based on the aesthetic appeal of the teams' uniforms. All winners and scores are based on my own subjective comparison of the opposing teams appearance in their gridiron gear.Given the way poll voters (who in top level college football determine the national championship) always favor teams from famous programs over teams from upstart unrecognized schools -essentially voting for the laundry on the players' backs, it seems as rational as any other method for prediciting the bowls. As should be obvious, the garments teams wears bear no actual relationship to how the teams will perform. Then again in my experience studying how well teams play football generally has only a weak correlation to predicting the actual outcomes of games. How you use any of this blather, and whether you base your wagers on any of my lunacy, is entirely up to you. Just know going in that you'll only win anything because of dumb luck, which was already the case anyway.

For added frivolity, I will also be forecasting the overall quality of each match-up based on the name sponsor of each bowl. The more I like the product being promoted the more likely I will be to predict an exciting and competitive game.

Without any further rambling I present my 2008 Arbitrary Bowl Predictions . . .

EagleBank Bowl -12/20/2008
Wake Forest Demon Deacons v. Navy Midshipmen
The Uniforms: The Midshipmen wear the sort of straight-forward, classical uniforms that college football fans are supposed to love. The combination of gleaming gold and (surprise!) navy blue are a combination that is equally solid and drab. Somehow they just leave me feeling uninspired.So I am left to offer my praise for the the Demon Deacon's togs. Their look has a nice modern edge that never looks cluttered or busy. The respectable look of a respectable football program

The Sponsor: I never had heard of EagleBank before they sponsored this bowl. With the state of American banks these days, I fear I may never hear of them again. An unreliable and largely unknown sponsor suggests an uninteresting game. I imagine Wake Forest taking an early lead and being well on their way to a rout, until Navy makes some lately, but meaningless scores.

The Prediction: Wake Forest- 44 Navy- 27 (and it never feels that close)

New Mexico Bowl -12/20/2008
Colorado State Rams v. Fresno State Bulldogs
The Uniforms: Odd though it may seem neither of the uniforms worn by these teams made me think "college football". They each made me think of a different level of the sport instead. For some reason the bold colors, strong lines, and nigh-plagiarized helmets of Colorado State made me think of the simplistically iconic outfits of the NFL*. The Fresno State uniforms, with their bright, bright color scheme and cartoonish helmet logo, recall the sartorial sense of a high school team. In this case I tend to favor the more market-ready NFL look of the Rams over the garishly amateur Bulldogs.
* That stand for the National Football League for anyone suffering from Ron Jaworski Disease (the inability to understand or make use of acronyms).

The Sponsor: At first I thought this game had a lame sponsor. The state of New Mexico? In my mind New Mexico is just the New Coke to Mexico's Coca-Cola Classic. Then I discovered that this bowl is actually owned and operated by the almighty ESPN brand. I imagine that means ever aspect of this game can be adjusted for maximum telegenic impact. So tune in for this one, because it is sure to be a tense struggle until a couple of dramatic turns in the fourth quarter determine the victor.

The Prediction: Colorado State- 27 Fresno State- 19

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl -12/20/2008
Brigham Young Cougars v. Arizona Wildcats
The Uniforms: BYU sports a well-scrubbed, throwback look that suits the spirit of their school (if you know anything about who runs the school you should know exactly what that means). It hearkens back to a bygone era of college football without seeming the least bit artificial or pretentious in doing so. The costuming of the Wildcats is as uninspired as their choice of mascot. The contrasting colors add to the chaos caused by the clash between modern pieces of flair and old-fashioned elements. Arizona lacks a destinctive style to unify and define their look and give them the appearance of purpose. In turn they lack that vital element that unifies a team gives them purpose. That's not to say these uniforms and players lack all direction, just any direction that would bring them to a bowl win.

The Sponsor: I am sure the people at Pioneer make fine electronics. Yet when I look around my own (albeit limited) possessions, I can't seem to find any of their products. With the sponsor has failed to draw me in, then I imagine the game will lack any true appeal. For whatever it's worth, I would have been much more excited if La Vegas itself, as the Mecca of sports betting, had been the name sponsor. Then I would have something more to look forward to then an easy victory for the Cougars in a pedestrian game.

The Prediction: BYU- 30 Arizona- 17

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl -12/20/2008
Memphis Tigers v. South Florida Bulls
The Uniforms: South Florida takes a smart approach in crafting their image as a football program on the rise. They combine an uncommon color scheme, with a sleek and dynamic design, and a memorable logo that just begs the audience to take notice of them. Conversely the Memphis Tigers' apparel is so distracting it seems as if not even the designers paid attention. Several of the details may look good seperately, but clearly conflict when brought together. This is the uniform of a team with deep-seated chemistry issues. The players probably fight on the sideline and end up stewing instead of concentrating on the game at hand. The probably lose games over stuff like the offensive linemen deciding mid-way through the third quarter that they don't like their quarterback enough to keep blocking pass rushers on his behalf. South Florida is the easy choice in this pairing.

The Sponsor: Anyone who knows what a magicJack is leave a comment to explain it to the rest of us. I've tried to research it, and I still don't really understand what it actually does. I was just releaved to find it wasn't some kind of marital aid. I imagine this is the kind of game that is so one-sided and unentertaining, that most people will turn it off part way throug. Then millions of college football fans will be stunned at the actual final score when they check the paper the next day, as it will seem much lower and closer than the game they remember watching.

The Prediction: South Florida- 28 Memphis- 14

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl-12/21/2008
Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles v. Troy Trojans ( from Troy)
The Uniforms: The Golden Eagles really underachieve with their apparel selection. They start with a strong chromatic combo, and straight forward design, then add some akward features -the too wide stripes on the helmet, devoting valuable helmet space to writing out "Southern Miss", putting the awesome eagle head logo ina barely visible position on the hip, etc. Yet it still remains a better choice then the ungodly Trojan ensemble. Troy's Trojans (from Troy) have layered an unforgivably cluttered logo on top of ugly lettering on top of a weak palette of hues. Seriously that overstuffed helmet logo is enough to kill almost any uniform's aesthetic value.

The Sponsor: It seems fitting that this game is presented by a trucking company. As I imagine it could only appeally to the same kinds of people who find it amusing to count semi-trucks on long car rides. This will be a jumbled affair with lots of goofy and awkward football moments, like quarterbacks shaking their heads at the sidelines because some wide receiver clearly forgot his route, coaches screaming because the the players executed the play he accidentally signaled instead of the one he meant to signal, and officials picking up flags because they forgot that force outs are only a penalty in the NFL. You might flip to this game part way through and have a hard time imagining how the two teams could hace accumulated their respective scores without an inordinate amount of safeties. There's a reason why truckers need pep pills to do their jobs, and it's pretty much the the same reason why you'll need powerful stimulants to stay awake through this game.

The Prediction: Southern Mississippi- 22 Troy- 18

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl-12/23/2008
Boise State Broncos v. Texas Christian Horned Frogs
The Uniforms: These may be the best two uniforms matched up outside of the elite level bowls. Boise State's garish blue and orange ensemble should be hideous by any rational measure, but it works some how. The audacity of it matches the spirit of an untamed bronco and suits this mid-major super-power well. It's a loud and proud look, perfect for a team out to make a name for itself. Texas Christian's clothing is notably less austentatious, with a darker color scheme and a more utilitarian design. Still, TCU's uniforms are an exercise in quiet confidence. A no-nonsense image that subtly hints at a proud tradition (with solid block lettering) and of contemporary relevance (with an excellent horned frog logo). I respect both of these uniforms greatly but give a narrow edge to TCU for having the stronger fundamentals.

The Sponsor: I don't understand why the San Diego County Credit Union would even sponsor a bowl game. Sure its nice to have your business promoted on a national telecast, but presumably they have a fairly limited pool of customers namely people and business in San Diego County. Can people from outside the county even join a credit union? Is a simple credit union -which I have always understood to be the mom-and-pop equivalent of a bank- even prepared to handle a sudden rush of interest from a nation full of college football fans looking to ditch their current bailout-dependent banking options? It's the kind of brazen optimism show by the SDCCU in sponsoring this bowl that assures me this is going to be a fantastic game of football.

The Prediction: TCU- 49 Boise State- 47 (3OT)

On that upbeat note, I will leave you until the next round of bowl games are about to start on Christmas Eve. Don't worry the Buckerine will return with more Arbitrary Bowl Predictions.