If you can already imagine yourself wearing one of these classic jerseys with your own name inscribed on the back, then you have what it takes to use the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction method. Image found at customauthenticjerseys.com.
We have already seen so many bowl games come and go and yet there are still so many remaining to be covered. In this edition of my Arbitrary Bowl Predictions -wherein I predict the outcomes of games by comparing the teams' uniforms, and I forecast the quality of the games based on the bowls' sponsors- I will only be covering bowls that occur on New Year's Day, the traditional home of the college football post season, and beyond. The very idea of their being bowls outside of January 1st is still a strange concept to many, let alone their being enough games to fill three further blog posts. So if you need to ease into it go back and review Part One, Part Two and Part Three. No let's get ready to ring in 2009 with some more ridiculous prognostication . . .
Outback Bowl -1/1/2009
South Carolina Gamecocks v. Iowa Hawkeyes
The Uniforms: We can begin by observing that these two teams clearly drawn even with each other in the area of mascots. Only an ornithologist would enjoy that comparison. So we'll step right past that and start critiquing the clothes on the players' backs. Iowa sports some powerful duds. The yellow and black combination is always a powerful visual stimulant (Why else would bees wear it so often?). The no-nonsense design commands the respect of anyone who sees it. This is a design so good it belongs on an NFL team with a tradition of greatness, like say the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Gamecocks managed to craft an outfit without needing to rip-off a storied pro franchise. They did however seem to find it necessary to use an impotent shade of red (I'm really not sure if that counts as a pun.), and a slew of useless accents to clash with their throwback logo. Despite the unoriginal motif, I still find the Hawkeyes look pretty damn impressive,and I'll peg them for a solid win.
The Sponsor: Among all the restaurants that sell booze and put a lot fo stupid crap on their walls, I would have to name Outback Steakhouse as one of my least favorite. In all my experience with Outback, I am overcome by two factors. All their restaurants seem to have too little light and give you way too much food. This makes me expect that this game will have too little defense and way too much defense for most viewers' taste.
The Prediction: Iowa- 21 South Carolina- 9
Konica Minolta Gator Bowl -1/1/2009
Nebraska Cornhuskers v. Clemson Tigers
The Uniforms: We find in Clemson yet another uniform selection that many college football fans revile. The Tigers' heavy use of fresh-carrot orange and bruised-fruit purple seem to offend the eyes of some college football afficianados. I actually like the brashness of the color scheme, and the cleverly inconic logo. These are outfits that require and inspire confidence. Of course most college football fans would list Nebraska's look among the classics of the sport. Their bare-bones red and white outfits with a minimalist capital "N" for a logo could be interpreted as the very ideal of midwestern modesty. In my eyes though these plain Jane affairs lack any true life and spark. I will ignore the haters and call for a rousing Clemson victory.
The Sponsor: I will put aside whatever residual anger I may have from years of paper jams and clogged toner cartirdges. We have all come to rely on printers for much of what we do in life. However most of us could care less about what brand of printer we use. There are certainly a few people who subscribe to Consumer Reports and comparison shop based on manufacturer. Most of us just what something inexpensive and effective, and we don't even know what printer we have in the home or at the office without looking. So I predict that this will be a fairly unexciting game resulting in a sadly generic score.
The Prediction: Clemson- 21 Nebraska- 17
Capital One Bowl -1/1/2009
Michigan State Spartans v. Georgia Bulldogs
The Uniforms: This contest provides us an intriguing opportunity to compare the unintended consequences that accumulate after a series of related decisions. In this case the Michigan State uniforms showcase a number of daring choices, including a chromatically unusual jersey, a subdued lettering scheme, and a slightly confusing logo. (If you didn't know their mascat, I doubt "helmet of a Spartan soldier" would be the first thing you thought of when you saw that shape.) Yet somehow all of those questionable selections produce a proud, up-standing ensemble. The Georgia uniforms are the very inversion of this. All of the elements that compose their outfits are generally safe, a solid palette, sturdy fonts, and a very *ahem* professional looking logo. Added together they somehow become less than the sum of their parts. The Bulldogs design lacks direction and, dare I pun, bite! When I look at the Spartans, I feel assured about their football prowess. When I look at the Bulldogs, I feel uninspired and underwhelmed. Expect the Spartans to win, but count on them to look like they should lose for most of the game.
The Sponsor: Since my credit history is so bad I can't even get an adjustable rate mortgage, I have very little experience with the major credit card companies. I have seen quite a few of Capital One's advertisements though, and they usually amuse me. Also they had the brilliant idea to pair the bowl with the Capitol One Mascot Challenge which is one of the most entertaining distractions associated with college football. That all but guarantees a highly entertaining and engaging game.
The Prediction: Michigan State- 29 Georgia- 26
AutoZone Liberty Bowl -1/2/2009
Kentucky Wildcats v. East Carolina Pirates
The Uniforms: East Carolina has the raw materials necessary to forge an amazing uniform. They have one of the greatest mascots available in the mascot in the pirate. The colors are brave and striking. I am baffled that they can take those ingredients and make such an unpleasant jersey. Their helmet logo is awful. The shade of purple they use is hideous. Worst of all they don't tap into the pirate motif at all! The Pirates are fortunate that they have drawn the very weak attire of the Kentucky Wildcats. The apparel of Kentucky utilizes a flat blue and white look and hopes that their clever old school logo is enough to spice it up. I feel sorry for Kentucky they had one of the easiest match-ups they could have drawn, and they were still too lame to win.
The Sponsor: Some personal experience of mine plays heavily in favor of the sponsor in this case. In the last few months I have needed to perform a handful of minor car repairs just to keep my ride in good working order. My local AutoZone has not only supplies the needed materials, but the staff also helped out with some much guidance and moral support. So in honor of all the service I received from AutoZone, I'll declare that this will be a top level game.
The Prediction: East Carolina- 27 Kentucky- 24
AT&T Cotton Bowl -1/2/2009
Ole Miss Rebels v. Texas Tech Red Raiders
The Uniforms: Texas Tech is a program trying to climb the ranks and join the elite programs. Toward that purpose they have chosen an assertive design that uses such strident coloring and self-assured lettering to create an aggressively intimidating look. You can tell how strident and ambitious this team is without even seeing them take a snap. The Ole Miss jerseys actually find a great deal of success using some cumbersome elements. I have seen plenty of other teams make a hash out of the red, white, and blue motif. The Rebels see there way through that challenge and come out looking classy. Throw in some old fashioned Southern charm and you have a rather pleasing outfit. Ultimately, I side with the raw dominating force of Texas Tech.
The Sponsor: Time used to be that AT&T had a monopolistic reign over the telecommunication industry. Now new technologies and more innovative companies have robbed AT&T of its dominant status and threatened to turn it into the relic of a by-gone era. That signifies a game where the more traditional team fights valiantly but is overcome by the more inventive teams' superior tactics.
The Prediction: Texas Tech- 43 Ole Miss- 35
International Bowl -1/3/2009
Connecticut Huskies v. Buffalo Bulls
The Uniforms: Of all the comparisons I have made for this piece, this definitely is the sorriest combination of uniforms I have seen. Apologies to all the Huskies and Bulls fans out there, but your teams' have some lame outfits. I've seen more daring attire on Benedictine monks. There's no wonder why we exported this contest to Canada. The Buffalo uniforms are just a mass of blue with little accent; it's practically nondescript. The apparel donned Connecticut does virtually nothing as well. I almost feel as if these good be the home/road jersey combo for some generic team from a bland sports movie. I suppose that the stripes on the Huskies' jerseys are micrometrically less generic, so I will project them to win by the smallest of edges.
The Sponsor: What this bowl lacked in fashion it more than makes up for with its classy backer: the city of Toronto, Ontario! (That's in Canada.) Like many other bleeding-heart liberals from the United States, I often fantasize of moving to the socialist paradise neighboring us to the north. If Canada is secretly envied by the rest of the world, then surely Toronto is secretly envied by the rest of Canada. The city is so impressive that Superman's creators modeled his fictional hometown of Metropolis after Toronto. No one could wish for a finer city to visit or in which to live. Accordingly I foresee that no one could wish to attend or watch a finer game. I predict it will have everything from unforgettable plays, to awe inspiring finishes, all wrapped up with a thrilling finish. If there is even a modicum of truth to this predictions (and of course, there isn't) you won't want to miss this game.
The Prediction: Connecticut- 29 Buffalo- 27 (UConn win by scoring a miracle touchdown as time expires)
GMAC Bowl -1/6/2009
Ball State Cardinals v. Tulsa Golden Hurricane
The Uniforms: Tulsa takes a pretty silly concept and makes it work wonderfully as gridiron fashion. I have no idea why a team landlocked in the middle of Oklahoma would name themselves off of a coastal weather system. If you just take that as a given though the design is very strong. They combine their titular gold with the colors of the hurricane warning flag and layer it over a shade of blue that could represent the prairie sky or the stormy sea. They keep all the lines smooth and sleek. This uniform is both clever and fun. At first glance I also enjoyed the Ball State jerseys. They use a modern design and incorporate some widely respected pigments. Then I saw the helmet and immediately felt disappointed. Ball State had such good potential, but is was pretty much ruined by the hideous drawing of a bird. I don't even think it looks much like a cardinal. To me it looks more like some kind of demon finch that chased Picasso in his nightmares. The Cardinals' helmet allow Tulsa to take this game with relative ease.
The Sponsor: I am surprised GMAC is still willing to sponsor a bowl. They are basically a financial service for General Motors. Given that the major automakers are in trouble and that the entire financial sector is one giant dumpster fire, I wouldn't be surprised if the check they wrote to cover the bowl's expenses didn't bounce. This is a sponsor in a bad place. As such I expect this game will be unwatchable, mostly because one of the teams will find themselves in a bad place. Maybe a star player will be injured or maybe they just will clearly be rusty and out of rhythm all game. In any case the side that already had the advantage will have no problems taking and holding a lead.
The Prediction: Tulsa- 33 Ball State- 14
With those bowls now forecasted, we only have the BCS bowls left to discuss. Join me then when I break out my last set of Arbitrary Bowl Predictions for the season.
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