The Ohio State Buckeyes have gone through several uniform changes over the years. Are there current jerseys insufficient to win a high stakes game? We'll answer that question and more in the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Predictions. Image swiped off of myteamprints.com.
Now we come to the grand finale of the college football post-season, the elite Bowl Championship Series. These are the games that get top pick of all the best teams, or at least the best teams they still have room for after loading up on mediocre conference champions. Of course the big one at the end determines who everyone will elect the national champion (or maybe not if any of them decide they care about defense and decide to pay attention to the Rose Bowl). For your entertainment and edification I am here to predict the outcome of each game by analyzing the uniforms of the teams involved. Just to prove that I really have lost my mind, I will then forecast the quality of the games based on the merits of the bowls' sponsors. The Cap'n has already previewed all the less notable bowl in some previous posts (follow these links for Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and Part Four in turn), but you can always count on the top level bowl games getting their own special post. The prospects of these match-ups have me so excited that I can literally feel a tingling in my toes . . . and my chest . . . and up and down my left arm. Hmmmm, that can't be god. Okay, we'll have to do this fast before the blurred vision and muscle spasms set in. Here are your BCS predictions . . .
Rose Bowl -1/1/2009
Penn State Nittany Lions v. Southern California Trojans
The Uniforms: Every year the Rose Bowl stands as its own special event. The contest in Pasadena always lives up to the hype though by bringing us some of the best that the tradition of college football has to offer. Penn State and Southern California certainly belong on any list of the most prestigious college football programs of all time. The Trojans wear that history of greatness on their sleeves. And their helmets. And their jerseys. And their pants. Not so much their cleats though. The cardinal and gold colors somehow appear bright and cheery but also bold and formidable. The accents and logos don't burden the smooth design and support the classic feeling these uniforms provoke. Penn State somehow gets away with the most basic kind of costuming that one could still call a football uniform. They start with a balnk white slate, inscribe what few numbers are necessary, add a blue stripe on the helmet, then call it quits. That's it. No logos. No flair. Nothing. I am almost stunned with who much these uniforms underwhelm the viewer. I would like to say I respect Penn State for their commitment to minimalism and simple design (maybe a hat tip to all of the Amish that reside in Pennsylvania?), however I have to predict a blowout win for the Trojans.
The Sponsor: The Rose Bowl is about the only bowl that has remained strong enough to not have the sponsor's name slapped in front of the name of the game. The Rose Bowl is presented by Citi Bank. Any other year I would take this as a side of strength. Given how weak banks have become in recent months though, any asssociation with a bank is enough to drag down the quality of the game. Watch out for one of the teams to put in a game that's as much of a disaster as the financial industry has been. This will be the first heavily one sided and ugly college football game of 2009.
The Prediction: Southern California- 42 Penn State- 21
FedEx Orange Bowl -1/1/2009
Cincinnati Bearcats v. Virginia Tech Hokies
The Uniforms: This bowl features some pretty nontraditional powers. Sure, the Hokies have become a real force over the past decade, but they were an unknown entity for most of college football history. While the University of Cincinnati has a storied basketball program, they have played in pretty much no notable football games. As you might expect both of these teams sport togs that reflect current success and modern sensibilities rather than classic style. Virginia Tech tries to bring a dynamic, active look with some well placed accent lines and a pretty spiffy logo. Unfortunately they selected a truly ugly color combination. During the regular season it almost works as an autumnal look with those seasonal oranges and browns. Now in the throes of winter those tones just seem inappropriate. The Bearcats are still wearing uniforms that belong on a mid-major team, even though they have recently moved into one of the elite conferences. Well at least the ostentatious chromatics and confounding logo of Cincinnati don't make me think of sweet potato casserole. I project a win by the Bearcats though not by an especially wide margin.
The Sponsor: For a lot of people, all means of delivering a package are pretty much the same. However I recently learned that FedEx was the company that pioneered connecting ground and air delivery systems. In keeping with that merging of transportation methods, I have a vision of a clash between different phases of the game. The outcome of the game will hinge on one team's ability to overcome crushing defense and phenomenal special teams with explosive offense. It promises to be an intersting contest.
The Prediction: Cincinnati- 27 Virginia Tech- 18
Allstate Sugar Bowl -1/2/2009
Utah Utes v. Alabam Crimson Tide
The Uniforms: I have to be honest this comparison inspires no real passion in me. I think Utah has an atrocious uniform. They tried to be modern and hip, but just wound up looking silly. The Alabama jerseys are a little bland and uninspiring. The Crimson Tide can at least pin their inadaquacies on tradition. The Crimson Tide will win easily, and I have nothing more to say.
The Sponsor: Allstate has never done much to distinguish themselves from other insurance companies in my mind. To me all insurance is a dull necessity. We all feel like we have to have it, but none of us really think about it that much. Thus I forecast a very dull game. Everyone will show up and go throw the motions as if it was really important, despite all the evidence to the contrary. There is some very small chance it will turn out to be an interesting game, but deep in you gut you don't believe it will.
The Prediction: Alabama- 36 Utah- 24
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl -1/5/2009
Ohio State Buckeyes v. Texas Longhorns
The Uniforms: Once again we are comparing two time-honored programs who have spent decades crafting some distinctive and impressive outfites. The Longhorns' football attire is practically an official symbol for the state of Texas. True, I may have some qualms with their preferred shade of orange -which still looks like pumpkin to me, no matter how many times they call it burnt. Everyone has to respect that logo, thought, that is iconography 101 slapped on the side of their helmets. The Buckeyes have some pretty iconic helmets of their own, especially when you start slapping the famous buckeye leaf stickers on the sides. As you can see above Ohio State, like any longstanding football team, has gone through a number of refinements. The most recent edition has significantly improved the Buckeye's design. Now their color scheme has an understated, unified look. The fashionable accents actually add some visual pop instead of just weighing down the eye. Unfortunately Ohio State's apparel still has a generally cluttered look. It will take a few more upgrades for the Buckeyes' style to match what the Longhorns' already have. This appears to be an impressive Texas win in the making.
The Sponsor: Tostitos has the unenviable task of trying to separate their tortilla chips from all the other salty corn-based snacks available to our obese nation. Somehow though they always seem to be one-step ahead. They created scoop shaped chips for easy dipping. They added a hint of lime flavoring incase you wanted to eat your chips while drinking Mexican beer. In a world on the verge of an epic case of nervous eating, Tostitos stands ready to serve our every gluttonous whim. We have ample evidence here that this will be an enjoyable game that we can devour in one sitting and not have to worry about in the morning.
The Prediction: Texas- 37 Ohio State- 24
BCS National Championship Game -1/8/2009
Florida Gators v. Oklahoma Sooners
The Uniforms: The national championship match-up provides us with two diverging philosophies on football apparel to analyze. On one hand you have Oklahoma's plain-spoken crimson and creme ensemble, which speaks to a certain rural humility and respect for tradition. Their logos and lettering appear functional yet impressive, like the work of a highly skilled craftsman. Never mind that the uniforms do nothing to tell you what a "sooner" is. The Florida outfits certainly do very little to remind you of an alligator. Whoever designed the Gators' look was obviously too concerned with other things, like making sure the uniforms stand out even from great distances or that there is plenty of pieces flair crammed onto the jerseys. If the Florida uniforms had truly taken on a modern look, with all the eccentricities and gimicks that involves. I might have pegged them for the win in a "future v. past" match-up. Since the Gators stopped short, they just look tacky by today's standards. I am left predicting a victory for Oklahoma and their loyalty to a traditional style.
The Sponsor: This year the FedEx company got its claws around the naming rights to this game. However they aren't really responsible for this game. This game exists as an extention of the entire bowl system. It represents the slow evolution of the sport from a diasporic post-season of mulitple bowl, to the inevitable unified play-off format. In a way this game is brought to us by the very sport itself. I can think of no better sponsor, and so I imagine there will be no better game.
The Prediction: Oklahoma- 45 Florida- 37
Since, that covers all the bowl games I can finally take a break. This much bloggin in a short span is just not the Capn's style. Fear not faithful reader (no, I did not intend to make that plural) as I will return to blogging again. So keep an eye out for the next release from the Buckerine Files.
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