If you can pick which of these college football uniforms you prefer then you have all the skills you need to utilize the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method. Picture take from talkingsportsapparel.com.Sheraton Hawai'i Bowl-12/24/2008
Notre Dame Fighting Irish v. Hawai'i Warriors
The Uniforms: For many Americans the first image of college football in their minds is of a Notre Dame player in his strident blue and gold uniform. The Fighting Irish have remained loyal to that vivid yet unpretentious design, and it has served them well carrying them to the pinnacle of the sport. In recent times though, as newer and more vibrant fashions have arisen the fortune of the Irish have slumped. So it seems as if the unadorned primary pigments of Notre Dame may be a hindrance in this match-up. The Hawai'i Warriors boast a style that is much more in keeping with the times. They use a nontraditional color combination of black and greens, with stylized accents reminiscent of the polynesian culture native to the Hawaiian Islands. You also have to give credit to Hawai'i for avoiding the plight of Notre Dame by ditching their older, more "colorful" uniforms in favor of the new hotness. While both these teams have uniforms that suit their personalities, the Fighting Irish have a merely have a good fit; the Warriors have a perfectly taylored ensemble.
The Sponsor: There's plenty of snarky things to say about the companies and products that sponsor bowls. I have made many derogatory remarks about them, and I plan to make many more. Here however you will here nothing but effulgent praise and hearty recommendations from me when it comes to the fine people and facilities at Sheraton Hotels. If they would stake their substantial credibility and brand loyalty to a bowl, then I am certain the game will be a highly entertaining match-up. (For those of you who will accuse me of trying to schmooze the Sheraton brand in the hopes of getting discount rates for my next vacation, I can only say that I am deeply wounded. You should have more respect for your Cap'n than to question his integrity like that. Shame on you.)
The Prediction: Hawai'i- 30 Notre Dame- 27
Motor City Bowl-12/26/2008
Florida Atlantic Owls v. Central Michigan Chippewas
The Uniforms: Any honest critic who assess Central Michigan's football uniforms has to admit the have a surprisingly effective look. Just think that at some point some poor fashion designer was handed a school no one had ever heard of, an unusual color scheme, and a mascot the NCAA would rather I didn't mention, and told to make some intimidating football jerseys. That highly skilled individual, took all that and crafted a set of outfits that appear more sophisticated and professional than anything else to ever come out of Mount Pleasant, Michigan. So what if the logo is still a little goofy, or the lettering looks a little amateurish. The overall achievement is still an effective look for the gridiron. Florida Atlantic wishes it had that level of design. They have a goofy mascot, and stridently generic palette of red, white and blue. They needed some help to avoid a style that screams "mid-major also ran". Instead they got an over-the-top affair that would only appease hyper-patriots with an ornithology fetish. The Owls are coming into this game at a significant disadvantage.
The Sponsor: Theoretically the Motor City Bowl is presented by the city of Detroit's entire business community. In reality, it like most things in Detroit is backed by the major U.S. automobile manufacturers. In this case Ford and General Motors have teamed up. Except it seems times must have gotten really tough for the car companies, as they couldn't even sponsor a bowl this year without a bailout. Now two of the most powerful and notable corporations in the United States have to share the bill with the Michigan Regional Council of Carpenters & Millwrights. Economically troubled sponsors do not promise a strong football game. Much like the last 25 years of the history of the American auto industry, I predict this game will feature unwise decisions, poor execution, and nothing to appeal to the interests of modern American's.
The Prediction: Central Michigan- 26 Florida Atlantic- 20
Champs Sports Bowl -12/27/2008
Wisconsin Badgers v. Florida State Seminoles
The Uniforms: Florida State's football team sports one of the great modern uniforms. The style is sleek. The hues and lettering are all eye-catching and memorable. The helmet logo is pretty much perfection. If Notre Dame's blue and gold outfit is the first football uniform most American's think of, then Florida State's garnet and gold look is the uniform that stands-out most to football fans younger than 40. Wisconsin drew a tough match-up here, and they don't exactly bring a lot of fashion fire power. Their red and white striped motif is fairly bare bones. You are almost fooled into thinking its one of the classic uniforms where simplicity is a virtue, until you notice the big cartoon-y "W". Part of me really likes Wisconsin's gear just for the spirit of Midwestern geniality it projects. So I will make guess that Wisconsin at least manages to make it respectable.
The Sponsor: I imagine I have had a substantial amount of experience with Champs; I just don't particularly remember any of it. Since their retail outlets always seem to flourish in suburban shopping malls, I have certainly had many encounters with them, but only because I wondered in blindly during some more extensive shopping trip. Honestly I couldn't tell you the difference between Champs Sports and any of the other sporting goods stores you find inbetween Bath & Body Works and Suncoast Video. There relative anonimity is largely irrelevant though, as the service they provide is invaluable. For millions of American men who are conscripted into unendurable shopping sprees with spouses or significant others, these sports relates oasises are the only respite they know from endless hours spent standing outside fitting rooms holding someone else's purse. For providing that momentary break from the drudgery of an afternoon at the mall, Champs Sports have the thanks of a great many. With that record I have to forecast a very interesting and entertaining game that will keep fans of both teams engaged until the very end.
The Prediction: FSU- 45 Wisconsin- 33
Emerald Bowl-12/27/2008
University of Miami Hurricanes v. California Golden Bears
The Uniforms: Much like Florida State, The University of Miami (not to be confused with Miami University) rose in recent decades to become the very definition of a modern power in the college football landscape. Along with their dominance on the field, the Hurricanes also became the trendsetters in football fashion. Their brightly colored jerseys and liberal use of flair were soon imitated by other teams. In recent years though Miami has lost its elite status as a football power, and along with it the pass from sartorial criticism it so desperately needed. Now, just as the peasants can see that the emperor has no clothes, we can plainly see that the Hurricanes' get-ups are really a disjointed assemblage of elements in garish colors guaranteed to cause eye pain. I would much rather have the uniforms of the Golden Bears. The may use a generic chromatic array and a lame helmet logo, but at least the design is functional and you don't need tinted glasses to look at them.
The Sponsor: It may be called the Emerald Bowl, but it isn't sponsored by gem stones. The money making this event possible actually comes from Diamond Foods which owns the Emerald Nuts brand. I could get behind a producer of snack nuts sponsoring a bowl. After all I enjoy anything that can give me a salty protein boost between meals (wait a second; that doesn't sound right). My problem is that they didn't have the courage to go ahead and put their name out there. Maybe they felt a little ashamed for clogging up December with yet another minor-event bowl between two mediocre teams. When the sponsor doesn't really put themselves out there to promote the game, I have to assume that one of the teams won't really show up for the game. So expect this to turn into a one sided affair pretty quickly.
The Prediction: California- 37 U. Miami- 17
Meineke Car Care Bowl -12/27/2008
West Virgina Mountaineers v. North Carolina Tar Heels
The Uniforms: I respect the courage of the UNC Tar Heels to compete on the gridiron wearing a shade of blue most commonly associated with balloons reading "It's A Boy!" and helmets protecting United Nations Security Forces. Actually if you were to see the Tar Heels in a black and white photograph, you could appreciate the modest and conservative design that any traditional power would be proud to wear. North Carolina's uniforms don't receive much respect, because the school is mostly known for its basketball program. Also, their helmet logo looks like it was pulled from the cover of Laugh comics. Plus, there's the anavoidable fact that a football team in baby blue jerseys would hardly intimidate a box of marshmellow Peeps. Other than all that, these are some pretty good uniforms. The West Virginia Mountaineers look like they play. Their uniforms and logo are both trim and streamlined, suggesting a style of football focused on speed and aggression. Indeed the Mountaineers have been trailblazers in mastering the spread-out, high energy, high velocity offense that has defined college football in recent years. There's a lot of zip in these togs, but the many accents also suggest a hyperactive and distracted style, which could hurt WVU in some games as well. Also some of their color combinations can be close to nauseating. Overall I will project that the sound basic quality of North Carolina overcomes the flashy but risky play of West Virginia.
The Sponsor: Plenty of pundits have mocked the fact that bowls have had to turn to businesses like automechanics to sponsor these bowls. However if you think about it we have all had a moment in our life when we have desperately needed a professional to repair our car and save our day. Plus, the only thing that defines blue collar America almost as well as football is automobile maintenence. So let's all give the Meineke company our respect, and give this game the respect to anticipate an intense game full of crucial make-or-break moments.
The Prediction: North Carolina- 28 West Virginia- 21
Well, it looks like we have to take a break for a TV timeout. While I pause for station identification and a word from my sponsors, you should go out and enjoy your holidays. So have a Happy Christmas Eve/Christmas/Jewish-Christmas/Boxing Day, and come back to the Capn for your next set of college football bowl game predictions.
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