Will the much maligned uniforms of the Oregon Ducks finally prove to be advantageous in their big bowl game. If connecting a team's appearance to their performance doesn't make sense to you then you need to read about the Capn's Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method. The above image was swiped off goducks.com.As the year closes, the bowl games start sprouting like acne on Roger Clemens' back. If someone just gave you a wad of cash as a holiday present and you want to wager it away betting college football, then I recommend having a little fun when you make your selections. This is why I provide the blogosphere with my Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method, where I predict the winners and scores of games based on a silly comparison that has no true relation to college football performance. This year I am weighing the teams based on how visually pleasing I find their uniforms. As an added eccentricity (because life would be too simple otherwise), I also evaluate each bowl's sponsor to determine the potential quality of the game. This is Part 3. You can find Part 1 and Part 2 in my archives.
Since I'm facing a panoply of bowl match-ups, I will be trying to forecast most of them quickly. So get ready for a collection of slightly smaller predictions (though of course your Cap'n will always find time to get verbose when a particular bowl warrants it). Onward then, to a new year, and a new set of bowl prognostication . . .
Independence Bowl -12/28/2008
Northern Illinois Huskies v. Louisiana Tech Bulldogs
The Uniforms: With a nice solid letter format, mostly unadorned jerseys and pretty good logo of a dog head on top of , Northern Illinois has some respectable uniforms. The Huskies wouldn't be mistake for a traditional power in that get-up, but for a team from a mid-major conference like the MAC, they certainly look like a force with which to be reckoned (that's for all you grammarians out there, you're welcome). Louisiana Tech wouldn't look like a force in any kind of conference. They use a bad combination of clashing reds and blues, and an ugly logo that should belong to the third-tier oil company run off a Clampett-like oil strike in the Louisiana swamps. The Huskies are easy winners here.
The Sponsor: We can thank the PetroSun company for putting on this bowl game. Other than bringing the college football postseason to the Shreveport, Louisiana, PetroSun's most notable activity seems to be an effort to turn algae into biodiesel fuel. I know alternative energy sources are all the rage these days, but tapping pond scum as a power supply seems like a highly unlikely prospect to me. Accordingly, I don't forsee much chance of anything exciting happening. This will be an ugly game where most of the points are scored on broken plays or off of obvious mistakes by the opponent. So, I guess what I'm telling you is, don't bother setting the DVR for this one.
The Prediction: Northern Illinois- 37 Louisiana Tech- 14
PapaJohn's.com Bowl-12/29/2008
North Carolina State Wolfpack v. Rutgers Scarlet Knights
The Uniforms: The Wolfpack have a lot of little things wrong with their uniforms. Their logo is unclear and awkward. Their jersey design doesn't flow in a fluid manner. While their style doesn't project strength and power, their overall look is still solid and confident. The Scarlet Knights also lack a very formidable appearance. The Rutgers' ensemble does have the kind of simplicity and unpolished charms you would expect from one of college football's oldest team. Their bright red jerseys give a nice visual pop, but don't come close to intimidating the viewer. At least NC State has some threatening elements, giving them a rather large edge in this contest.
The Sponsor: You would think PapaJohn's.com would be low hanging fruit for a snide and cynical blogger to pick apart (for example: How do you put an apostrophe in a URL?). I will leave that to other lazier bloggers. I am here to defend PapaJohn's.com. This is a terrific website, if only because you can now order home pizza delivery over Internet. That is so awesome. One more thing I can do without ever having to directly interact with humas. Now all I need to do is perfect my robot that answers the door and pays the deliveryman, and I'll be set. This gives me high hopes for a highly entertaining back and forth game with lots of exciting plays.
The Prediction: North Carolina State- 37 Rutgers- 33
Alamo Bowl -12/29/2008
Missouri Tigers v. Northwestern Wildcats
The Uniforms: The slick packaging of Missouri's uniforms creates a bold, assertive look that suggests a gutsy, risk-taking attitude. This is slightly undermined by the old-fashioned block "M" helmet logo they sport. This looks like a team with an Achilles' heel just waiting to be exposed. Northwestern has to compensate for several goofy elements in their gear, not the least of which is their weak shade of purple. They cover with a well-coordinated design that implies smooth execution and aggressive action on the gridiron. It helps both teams that their sadly generic mascot emblem cannot be toppped by their opponent, since they also have one of the three most common mascots in existence (if only we could incorporate the Mississippi State Bulldogs somehow, then we would be set). I'll have to favor the Tigers in this one, since their uni's made the better first impression.
The Sponsor: Who better to front a bowl game in Texas than an oil company like Valero? Valero must be feeling a little dissappointed since earlier this year they had peak oil prices, and now they're practically giving the stuff away at less than $2 a gallon. Similarly a match-up between these particular teams may have seemed like a much bigger draw earlier in the season. So I will guess that like the cheap gas, this game will be enjoyable, shortlived, but dulled by the shadow of recent troubles and the knowledge that next year can only disappoint.
The Prediction: Missouri- 33 Northwestern- 27
Texas Bowl -12/30/2008
Western Michigan Broncos v. Rice Owls
The Uniforms: This was a hard match-up to get a handle on. I found the Broncos' appearance to be brash, bold, and generally dysfunctional and unpleasant to look at. Their color scheme clashes at points and certain elements stand out like racing stripes. The logo struck me as over-the-top aggressive, to the point that I found it laughable. By the same measure, the Rice ensemble does little to assert itself. Their ability to project a dominating attitude toward the game of football falls apart once you notice all of their lettering looks like it was generated by the campus calligraphy club. I guess Rice should win, because at the very least their gear was consistent.
The Sponsor: The Texas Bowl appears to be sponsored by the entire state of Texas. In actuality it is only put on by the city of Houston, TX. I guess the whole state couldn't get behind this one specific bowl considering there are three other bowls played in Texas as well. That means instead of getting a game with Texas-sized entertainment, we only get a game as entertaining as Houston. I'm sorry Houston. I've never been, but I've heard nothing but bad things. This game looks like a game that seems to take forever, but never has any really great moments. Trust me the boys in ESPN's editing room will have a hard time making a highlight reel out of this one.
The Prediction: Rice- 26 Western Michigan- 16
Pacific Life Holiday Bowl- 12/30/2008
Oklahoma State Cowboys v. Oregon Ducks
The Uniforms: Of all the bowl match-ups available this season this may be the most interesting. Here we have two uniforms which both have been widely derided and included on lists of the ugliest uniforms in college football. They seem likely candidates to draw numerous detractors as they share a similar philosophy. They both abandon anything traditional in favor of the school of modern jersey design, with bright -maybe even aggressive- pigments, and numerous extraneous decorative touches. To anyone accustomed to college football uniforms as worn by Johnny Rodgers or Jim Plunkett the brazenly flashy costumes worn in this bowl game will certainly come as a shock. For those football fans raised in the current era, these sort of fashion strategies are routine. From the color schemes which accost they eye, to the multiple variations that maximize merchandize possibilities, they've come to expect these sort of things from Nike (which has a close relationship with the University of Oregon). In some ways it's very difficult to pick a winner between these gridiron ensembles. To most fans this is a contest between two disturbing eyesores, and to the rest its just another side of rampant commercialism stealing all the fun from sports.
I will still attempt to analyze this match-up, and make whatever contrasts can be made between these uniforms. For starters the Cowboys and Ducks both use trendy, highly stylized letterings, but the Pokes' labels are at least slightly legible while the Quake's inscriptions can cause vetigo if you look at them too closely. More importantly though Oregon has a nasty tendency to mix and match their jersey, pants, and helmet combinations, which means we have no way of predicting exactly what outfits they will be wearing come game time. If I can't be sure what they'll wear, then I can have no confidence in how well they play. So I forecast an easy victory for Oklahoma State, despite the high "ick" factor of their own uniforms.
The Sponsor: I have a lot of anger toward Pacific Life, though not for anything related to the insurance side of their business. I take umbrage at their advertisements. Specifically that awful 30-second spot of garbage that involves whales slapping their fins and tales, seemingly to rock music. I have dubbed this ad "Rock Whales" and you can watch the video here. WARNING: THIS VIDEO IS HIGHLY ANNOYING AND DEFINITELY N.S.F.W. (Not Safe For Whales). They have offended my good taste and ruined the sense of safety I once had watching college football. For that advert alone, I condemn this game to be a sad one-sided affair that features more mistakes and sloppy play than exciting moments or highlight worthy material.
The Prediction: Oklahoma State- 41 Oregon- 24
Roady's Humanitarian Bowl -12/30/2008
Maryland Terrapins v. Nevada Wolf Pack
The Uniforms: Maryland's outfit is far too cluttered and busy to befit a respectable football team. The ensemble must carry so many accents and embelishments that I'm surprised their was still room left for the players' names and numbers. It frankly looks like the designer took some blank swatches, crammed on every element they could take from the Maryland state flag and the University of Maryland's logo, and then wrapped it around an unfortunate football team. The players for Nevada are much more fortunate. They get uniforms with a well defined look, smooth and professional. The accent lines on the shoulders and very aggressive helmet logo help add to the assertive attitude of the ensemble. These uniforms could just as easily belong to any highly regarded football. This is an easy -nay, effortless- win for the Wolf Pack.
The Sponsor: There have been some pretty lame bowl sponsors in the history of college football's post-season. The Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl, galleryfurniture.com Bowl, and the magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl all spring readily to mind. Among any list of the worst though, you have to find room for the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl. This is a bowl that owes its existence to a series of truck stops. Plus the game will be played in Boise, Idaho, hardly a popular tourist destination. It's no surprise to me that interest in this bowl seems to be so low, even among the teams' fans. Just as tired motorists will gladly drive past truck stops fearing seedy characters and unhygenic conditions, I predict that viewers will flip past this game for fear of unmotivated execution and playcalling and the kind of weather that leads to poor football playing conditions.
The Prediction: Nevada- 39 Maryland- 17
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl -12/30/2008
Houston Cougars v. Air Force Falcons
The Uniforms: The Air Force uniforms are nonsensical in their design. The colors at least evoke the idea of the sky, appropriate for the aviational branch of our armed forces. Nothing else works in this outfit. The logos don't match the mascot. The lettering misses the obvious chance to utilize military imagery. The Falcons' look is just a mess, implying inconsistent effort and unfocused execution. The Houston Cougars are not a traditional football power, and their uniforms are not the timeless iconic designs we associate with those programs. However they do have the boldy direct chromatic scheme and an old fashioned logo you need to create a reasonable facsimile of a classic look. So while the play of the Cougar football team may not be great, it will at least approach greatness. I foresee an ultimate Houston victory, but it may be a close one.
The Sponsor: This sponsor got me excited once I saw it. I am a big fans of all things helicopter related. If there were a cable channel that played nothing but helicopter related content, I would watch it all day. I will predicte that this contest involves some back and forth action and several game breaking plays. This should be a fun game.
The Prediction: Houston- 37 Air Force- 27
Sun Bowl -12/31/2008
Oregon State Beavers v. Pittsburgh Panthers
The Uniforms: Pittsburgh has everything you could ask for in a classic college football outfit. They have sturdy lettering, a straight-forward logo, and a confident color pattern bordering on the archetypal. The look suits a widely respected football program with a distinguished history. Oregon State lacks almost everything you would find in a classic uniform. College football fashionistas generally consider the Oregon State look one of college football's ugliest. The fatal flaw of the Beaver design is that it overexerts itself in an attempt to appear dynamic. Superficially, I would project a blowout, but there is something about the sheer chutzpah of Oregon State's attire that I have to respect. I guess I'll call for a win for Pitt, and for the Beavers to make a game of it.
The Sponsor: Your thank you cards for this bowl can be sent to the makers of Brut, a fragrance for men. Though they may be the first thanks they have gotten for awhile. In my observation not that many people appreciate men's cologne. Men always seem to resent wearing it, or find it a lackluster instrument of attracting female attention. Women always seem bothered by the overbearing quantities that men wearing, or roll their eyes at the absurdity of a greasy, hairy, adult males trying to smell like a basket of posies. As such, I imagine this is a game that will be a little heavy on the offense, to the degree that viewers openly mock the lack of defense. This game might seem entertaining from the boxscore, but it will probably get tedious to see each side allow more touchdowns than punts after the first half.
The Prediction: Pittsburgh- 48 Oregon State- 35
Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl -12/31/2008
Boston College Eagles v. Vanderbilt Commodores
The Uniforms: This is a bit of weak match-up in terms of fashion. Vanderbilt looks like they're wearing hand me downs from another team. I can't think of any way a giant star or a black and gold outfit fit in with the Commodore mascot anyway. Of course the Eagles suffer a similar problem. Boston College's design is very much like an NFL team, except they seem to have had all the really fun and colorful touches stripped off. Still, at least the Eagles have a consistent appearance and sound design. I'll just call for a Boston College with a decent margin of victory.
The Sponsor: I can just imagine all the obvious and highly offensive jokes the other bloggers are using when they talk about this bowl. For my part, I can't actually recall ever staying in or even seeing a Gaylord Hotel before. This must be due to their extreme rarity and exclusivity. Accordingly we can expect the score for this game to be a combination of rare numbers that aren't considered natural to the game of football. When you see the score flash across a ticker on the bottom of the screen, you might assume it's a baseball score at first. I always find those kinds of games enjoyable in the same way I always take a chance to stay at a special hotel.
The Prediction: Boston College- 11 Vanderbilt- 5
Chick-fil-A Bowl -12/31/2008
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets v. Louisiana State Tigers
The Uniforms: For a team with multiple national championships, LSU has some goofy uniforms. The color combination is the sort of thing you get when you let a toddler have free reign over the Crayola Box of 8. Anything that leads to anyone associating tigers with yellow and purple has be damaging to society. The helmet logo seems antiquated to such a degree that I can't even imagine an era when it would have been cutting edge. This puts Georgia Tech in a pretty good position, except they aren't all that strong in their own right. They put a lot of emphasis on gold in the jersey which can be underwhelming as a focal color. Then they back it up with lots of white and some old school lettering, more weak choices. In the end, I favor the Yellow Jackets for having an appearance relevant to today's football culture.
The Sponsor: Chick-fil-A is almost the perfect fast food restaurant. Their menue is unique, universally delicious, and relatively healthy. Plus, I have never recieved bad service at a Chick-fil-A. The snag in the system is that they are closed on Sundays. I understand their reasons, but I feel like it's a bit of burden for everyone who doesn't give Sunday special reverence, or can't control their cravings for more than 24 hours. That's the glaring flaw in a sponsor that indicates a glaring problem will occur in this game. It will likely come as a blown call or fluke occurance that winds up being the deciding factor in the game. An otherwise enjoyable game will then have a frustrating memory forever associated with it, which is a shame.
The Prediction: Georgia Tech- 29 Louisiana State- 21
Insight Bowl -12/31/2008
Kansas Jayhawks v. Minnesota Golden Gophers
The Uniforms: Apologies to whoever actually did craft the Jayhawk's apparel, but it really looks like someone just swiped the uniforms of a certain professional football team from New York. It isn't a bad look to plagiarize. You get strong hues, an iconic logo, and an all-around memorable ensemble. Still, I have to frown on Kansas for using outfits that so clearly intimidate another team's. This means that Minnesota can be forgiven for many of their crimes against sartorial aesthetics . The wretchedly ugly color combination can be put behind us. The outdated logo is forgotten. Even the cartoon character mascot can even be overlooked. If you don't worry about all that then you have to admire the rustic charm of the Golden Gophers' uniforms. That charm is just enough to put Minnesota over Kansas.
The Sponsor: Insight technology services has the naming rights to this bowl. However the bowl is actually being run by the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl people. In my experience anytime you combine tortilla chips and advanced technology you usually wind up with a multitude of malfunctions and occasionally sparks. With this in mind, I can foresee a game that involves both teams struggling to execute. The players will be plagues with communication problems and difficulties finding their rhythm and pacing for most of the second half. Eventually they will settle down and play 30 minutes of respectable football as the coaches finally diagnosis and mend the root problem. That reminds me I need to call technical support . . .
The Prediction: Minnesota- 24 Kansas-17
With most of the major bowls now on the horizon, I will take a break to regroup and ready myself for more indepth blogging. For anyone following this exercise in the absurd, you spend a little time interacting with the real world now. It will save you thousands of dollars on therapy bills later on in life. Just be sure to return for more Arbitrary Bowl Prediction.
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