The Worst Spin-Off Idea Ever!!!

In an earlier post I mentioned that I sometimes write comedy sketches as a way to amuse myself. Going through an old smartphone, I found one I wrote a ways back. It's just two characters discussing a piece of pop culture ephemera. Basically I just ripped off the format of Cracked's Today's Topic series of videos.Y'know from back in the day when Cracked.com produced original, high-quality videos. Before they fired all their best creators who are now producing original, high-quality videos on their own. So the initial reference point is a little dated now, but the heart of the piece is still as a relevant as ever. It's a compelling and thought-provoking breakdown of the WORST [clap emoji] SPIN-OFF [clap emoji] EVER! [clap emoji] [clap emoji] [clap emoji]

EXTERIOR NIGHT, THE SECOND MOON OF ENDOR, NOT THE ONE WITH THE EWOKS, THE OTHER ONE*

PERSON A: I am really excited for the Fast & Furious spin-off movie starring Jason Statham and The Rock.

PERSON B: You aren't disappointed that Hollywood is so creatively bankrupt they're spinning off second tier characters instead of producing fresh movies based on new ideas?

A: Not at all. Spin-offs are a time honored Hollywood tradition. Hobbs & Shaw is far from the worst example.

B: So what would you call the worst spin-off ever?

A: Did you know there was a Mrs. Columbo?

B: Of course Columbo talked about his wife all the time in the old TV show.

A: No, I mean there was a spin-off  television series called Mrs. Columbo that followed the adventures of Columbo's wife, Kate.

B: Wasn't the gag in the original Columbo shows that we never saw his wife?

A: Exactly.

B: So how did they make a spin-off out of an unseen character? Does that really count as a spin-off?

A: Apparently it does if you claim the show is directly based on a previous series. So you just cast some actor and call her the wife of a beloved TV detective.

B: So what actor did they find to play a woman tough and worldly enough to bust Lieutenant Columbo's hump?

A: Kate Mulgrew.

B: Captain Janeway!? When did this happen?

A: 1979, just after Columbo's first cancellation.

B: Wait, how old was she then? Because she was 40 when she was started on Voyager, right?

A: Yup. So she was 24 when she did this.

B: And Peter Falk was in his 50's when Columbo ended its run on NBC? Ugh! It must have been gross for audiences to watch old Rumplecoatskin kiss his child bride.

A: Don't worry. Peter Falk never appeared on the spin-off.

B: That makes sense. He probably needed a break from the character. Oh, I get it! They reversed the gag. So in Mrs. Columbo her husband the detective is always off-screen and these are like the scenes of what's happening while he's off doing policework. I like it. Very Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead.

A: Except that wasn't the premise. In fact, she wasn't even married to Columbo for the entire series. They had them get divorced between episodes and changed the lead character's name to Kate Callahan.

B: How can you have a show called "Mrs. Columbo" without any character named "Columbo" in it?

A: They changed the title of the show to Kate the Detective. 

B: Does that mean in the world of the show a police lieutenant is married to another cop?

A: No, she was a reporter. That may have been part of the reason why they changed the title again to Kate Loves a Mystery.

B: Good gravy! Two title changes and an off-screen divorce? How long did this show run!?

A: Thirteen episodes.

B: That's insane!

A: I know! It's like somebody's fan-fiction ran wild and wound up as a TV show that actually got broadcast on a national network.

B: I guess compared to that, the expanding Fast & Furi-verse seems reasonable.

A: Precisely. So stop worrying about what kinds of movies are getting made and just enjoy that they're being made well.

B: Even the Dark Universe doesn't seem so bad.

A: Let's not go crazy.

-FIN- 

*It doesn't matter where this scene takes place, so just imagine whatever setting you find most entertaining.