NBA Team “Solar” Ratings 12/11/2005

We’re entering the “first turn” of the race for that golden ball and net (Aside: Does anyone else think the NBA Championship Trophy looks a little silly? There’s just something about it that confuses the spectator. “Oh, it’s supposed to be a ball going into the net, now I get it. Or wait. Is it bouncing off the rim? Ah, heck!” I like the concept, but the visual misses something in the execution. It looks too much like a ball awkwardly balanced on a telescoping column. Maybe the problem is the base. I think they should take the same basic design and mount it on some kind of backboard. Now that would be cool. Also, why doesn’t the trophy have a memorable name like the Lombardi Trophy or the Stanly Cup, someone needs to fix that. Anyways …) Does having nearly a full quarter of the NBA regular season schedule in the books clarify things? A little, but the playoff picture remains very foggy. Still these rankings aren’t meant to be about prognostication their meant to be about performance. So, to all fans, players, coaches, executives, and mascots of each respective NBA team, I ask, how we looking?

I. Sun-
Detroit Pistons- If you have watched these wonders of Mo-town play, then you don’t need to be told this, but the Pistons are nearly tops in every offensive category that matters. Naturally it’s mostly due to the crushing power of their starting five.

II. Jupiter-
San Antonio Spurs-It’s not so much that the Spurs lead the association in defense; it’s that I’m starting to wonder when any other team last led in defense.

III. Earth-
Memphis Grizzlies- They seem to be dictating the tempo of their games, a huge weapon for a team aiming to go deep in the playoffs.

Milwaukee Bucks- The Men of Wisconsin seem to be the real deal. I trust we all think Andrew Bogut is owed all the credit.

Cleveland Cavaliers- Nike’s new ad campaign features LeBron playing four characters. The Cavaliers new offensive game plan features LeBron making plays like he’s four players.

IV. Saturn-
Los Angeles Clippers- Am I impressed by the Clipps thus far? Very much so. Do I think this will last through the All-Star break? Not so much.

Dallas Mavericks- Hang on, I have to double check that I have this right. Yup, the Mavs have six players averaging more than ten points a game. None of them are shooting less than 45% from the field.

Phoenix Suns- I guess Crosby, Stills, and Nash aren’t satisfied with just hanging around .500 until Amare’s return. Still, I worry all this drive could result in a pretty banged up team by the All-Star break.

V. Venus-
Indiana Pacers- They seem to have been a little shaky of late, having the “True Warrior” sidelined can’t help.

Denver Nuggets- Also down a little right now, but I’m more concerned with the fact that they’re 3 and 7 on the road.

Minnesota Timberwolves- Currently on a five game win streak, KG seems hungry to go back to the post-season and prove something.

VI. Mars-
Philadelphia 76ers- They are currently leading their division and below .500. Ladies and Gentleman, your Atlantic Division.

Golden State Warriors- They’ve scored more than 100 points in half their games, that’s a pretty good sign of a turn around in the Bay.

New Jersey Nets- I’m glad I got to see them play against the Cavs. It reconfirmed my belief that they can take the Atlantic.

Miami Heat – When Shaq gets back, let’s hope that the Heat can start winning more games against the top quality teams

VII. Mercury-
Boston Celtics- If you told me Paul Pierce had been playing as well as he is, I would have thought the Celtics would have at least been in the proximity of .500.

Chicago Bulls- At 6 and 4 over the last ten games, the Bulls have managed to squeak back into the playoff picture.

Washington Wizards- For all their talent and firepower, the Wiz have been pretty bad at playing when behind.

New Orleans Hornets- The effort of Chris Paul and his teammates deserves at least some note when they refuse to fall to the basement of their division.

VIII. Neptune-
Los Angeles Lakers- I know they still aren’t losing officially “losing”, but watching them play, I can’t say they look like they are “winning” that much either.

Portland Trailblazers- Of all the teams in the association only the Blazers seem to have no form of win streak going on.

Orlando Magic- Let’s just say that right now, if you gave them 100 posessions, they wouldn’t score 100 points.

Seattle Sonics- This much we know for sure: you can’t win much if you have the worst defensive team around.

IX. Uranus-
New York Knicks- Has Channing Frye forced Larry Brown to reconsider his policy on giving rookies playing time, or have all the other Knicks forced Larry’s hand?

Utah Jazz- I will now be accepting bizarre conspiracy theories for why the Jazz seem to be a much better team on the road.

Houston Rockets- Currently they still trail a very tough division, which means they have to stay in the lower tiers. T-Mac’s comeback may have them (dare I say it) rocketing back to the top soon.

Sacramento Kings- Is it true they may be moving in the near future? If so my long standing campaign to resurrect the Cincinnati Royals may come to fruition. (Things may get ugly between me and the city of Rochester)

X. Pluto-
Charlotte Bobcats- A seven game skid is no way to react to what was a relatively promising start.

Atlanta Hawks- If I didn’t know better I would think they were shooting for a single digit win season, if only to get their names in the history books.

Toronto Raptors- Some could say “The Raptors are 0 and 2 in overtime games that shows a lack of mental toughness by Toronto.” I say “The Raptors took two teams to over time?! That shows a lack of mental presence by their opponents.”