Previously I have written scripts for political pieces and comedy pieces. In this entry, I will combine the two in a satirical sketch like what Saturday Night Live does to open their show. So as you read the following feel free to imagine you favorite "Not Ready for Primetime Players" performing the scene (f'rinstance I've always been partial to Amy Poehler's version of Hillary Clinton).
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O'Malley Press Conference
INTERIOR, DAY: THE EVENT ROOM OF A BALTIMORE AREA HOTEL
(A podium sits center stage facing the audience. Chairs are arranged on either side. Several REPORTERS are seated, but there are clearly more seats than seated. A banner reading "O'Malley" hangs behind the podium. GOVERNOR O'MALLEY ENTERS)
O'MALLEY: Thank you all for coming out. I imagine most of you came because we promised free beer and pizza, but before we get to that I would like to make an announcement. (reading) "When we began this campaign together, I hoped that we could unite America in a common . . ."
REPORTER 1: (Interrupting) Excuse me, but who are you?
O'MALLEY: I'm Martin O'Malley. What did you think the banner was for?
REPORTER 1: I just thought "O'Malley's" was the bar that supplied the beer.
O'MALLEY: If I could finish my announcement please. "When we began this campaign together, I hoped . . ."
REPORTER 2: (Interrupting) Sorry, but campaign for what?
O'MALLEY: President. I have been running for President for about the last three months.
REPORTER 3: President of the United States?
O'MALLEY: Yes. Though, I'm not surprised you didn't know that. No reporters came to my campaign launch. That's why I promised the free pizza and beer this time.
REPORTER 4: Are you a Republican?
O'MALLEY: No.
REPORTER 4: Are you Elizabeth Warren?
O'MALLEY: What? No, I'm Martin O'Malley. I'm a Democrat, and I was Governor of Maryland for eight years.
REPORTER 2: Why are you running against Hillary Clinton?
O'MALLEY: To be perfectly honest, when I started my campaign I didn't think she was going to run.
(ALL REPORTERS laugh)
O'MALLEY: She had so many problems already, and then the e-mail scandal started. Did anyone believe that she was so power-hungry and egomaniacal that she would still run for president with all that baggage tied to her?
(ALL REPORTERS look to each other and nodding and saying things to indicate they readily believed that.)
O'MALLEY: Ever since she joined the race, it's been pretty clear I don't have a chance. No one will donate money to my campaign. No one shows up to my events. Be honest with me, how many of you are only here for the free pizza and beer, raise your hand?
(ALL REPORTERS raise their hands)
O'MALLEY: So we've reached the point where continuing this campaign would not make any sense either for myself or . . .
REPORTER 4: Are you Bernie Sanders?
O'MALLEY: No! Obviously, I have no hope to become the President of the United States, so I called this press conference to announce that I'm ending my campaign, and endorsing Hillary Clinton.
REPORTER 1: Sir, I don't mean any disrespect, but do you think anyone cares if Hillary Clinton has your endorsement?
(HILLARY CLINTON ENTERS)
CLINTON: I think I can answer that question.
REPORTER 2: Secretary Clinton! What are you doing here?
CLINTON: I'm like Beetlejuice. If you say my name three times, I'm there. (Steps behind podium, brushing O'MALLEY aside) Thank you, for that wonderful introduction governor. I will be taking over things now. Let's hear it for the Governor O'Malley from the great state of Connecticut.
O'MALLEY: Maryland.
CLINTON: No one cares. (Addressing REPORTERS) Ladies and other voters, I want to thank the Governor for acknowledging the inevitability of my victory. I look forward to the day when all Americans come together and realize that I must be President. And to help us reach that noble goal, I am officially endorsing Governor Martin O'Malley's endorsement of Hillary Clinton!
(ALL REPORTERS applaud)
CLINTON: You know you can trust Hillary Clinton, because you can trust Martin O'Malley, because you can trust Hillary Clinton.
O'MALLEY: Thank you, Secretary Clinton, I'm flattered that you would come here just to support me.
CLINTON: Actually, I came for the pizza and beer.
-SCENE-
Friday, May 22, 2015
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