Monday, January 30, 2006

NBA Solar Rankings 1/30/2006

The All-Star Starters will soon be announced. The second half of the season is underway. This season has already become historic for at least one reason and maybe more. It looks like it’s time to become basketball-astronomers again and break out the latest NBA solar ratings. In case you forgot the rules you can still find them here.

I. Sun-
Detroit Pistons- I love when a team gets so good we start watching to see if they can reach those major milestones. The Pistons are on pace to win 72 wins, but I don’t see that happening for a few reasons. First, because three of the five losses Detroit has taken already were to teams that aren’t nearly of the Piston’s level, which shows a tendency to lose mental focus. These lapses will become more common as their lead in the playoffs becomes more secure. Second, only five teams have had softer schedules that Detroit, and only one of them is in the Central Division. As the Pistons have to face more and more top level opponents who have been battle tested they’ll give up more hard fought losses. Third, no one can be lucky enough to get through an entire season with none of their starters ever getting injured. Either one or more of the top five will miss a few games and cost the team some victories, or Flip Saunders will get so protective of his core that he’ll limit their minutes at the end of the season and just surrender some games. In any case I see those factors adding up to more than six losses before the play-offs.

II. Jupiter-
Phoenix Suns- I think PHX has been positioning itself perfectly for a run at the title. First, they have quieted down their offense –partly do to the loss of Amare. They can still catch teams off guard with 130-point games or 40-point quarters. Yet the general consensus is that they aren’t as potent as last year. Also they have greatly improved their defense. They limit their opponents points per possessions greatly, of course the fast pace of their games completely disguises this. Most importantly, they’re handling Amare’s absence beautifully. They are giving him as much time as he needs to be at his most effective when he returns. Best of all, the active roster has adapted to produce the best staring five outside of Detroit.

Dallas Mavericks- Last I checked the standings the Southwest Division lead was being split between the two remaining Texas titans. Right now I favor the Mavericks, they're improving as the season goes on while the Spurs seem to be wearing down. Also, after years of being denied a chance at the Finals, I think they see this as a golden opportunity to bide their time and overtake the Spurs in the Western playoffs when they’re vulnerable. We may finally see Dirk get his moment at the top of the mountain, as he gets clobbered by the Pistons.

III. Earth-
Los Angeles Lakers- New rule: It doesn’t matter how bad the team is, when a player makes NBA history, their team becomes a member of the Earth tier.

Miami Heat – Since no one else seems willing to say it, I will. The best chance Miami has to win a title this year is to take minutes away from Shaq (three-time Finals MVP, one of the greatest player of all-time) and give them to Alonzo Mourning (recovering from a life-threatening kidney condition). Dwayne needs a team that can run to win in the playoffs, and Shaq Daddy is too old and slow. I don’t care that this might hurt team chemistry. Isn’t this what Pat Riley’s specialty is supposed to be? Didn’t he talk Kareem into taking a backseat to James Worthy and Byron Scott? How can this not happen?

Cleveland Cavaliers- If we needed anymore evidence that LeBron James is Superman, I point out the fact that his team is on a killer win-streak since he started wearing tights.

IV. Saturn-
Memphis Grizzlies- Here’s evidence of a team that’s legitimately good. At home, on the road, against their conference, and against their division, the Grizz are at or above .500 in all of these categories.

San Antonio Spurs- The health of Duncan and Manu have reduced the Spurs to contender status. Does the Spurs vulnerability this season paired with D-Town’s dominance prove that depth is overrated? I wouldn’t have believed that in November, but now I have to wonder.

V. Venus-
Sacramento Kings- I’m really interested in what Ron-Ron might do for this team, and there’s every reason to believe that he’ll improve their playoff hopes. They did badly need help on defense. But I don’t think the Kings made a smart move. Their best lineups relied heavily on Peja, and I don’t see Artest filling the role of sharp-shooter.

New Jersey Nets- Why can’t they ever stay hot long enough for me to bump them up to serious contender levels?

Denver Nuggets- I don’t think their quality of play is weak, so much as Furious George is having a hard time settling on the proper rotation. They have more players deserving of minutes than you think. Just imagine if NenĂª were still in the mix.

VI. Mars-
Milwaukee Bucks- The fact that they have a negative point differential, but a winning record, says they are overachieving big time.

Los Angeles Clippers- If the Clippers hold off make the playoffs, I’ll sing the praises of their improbable season. If they land home court in the first round, I’ll prepare for the apocalypse.

Indiana Pacers- I’m giving the Peja trade a few weeks before I finally cut off the the Pacers as a non-contender, not just for the title –they lost that long ago- but the playoffs as well.

VII. Mercury-
New Orleans Hornets- Somewhere in the New Orleans rebuilding efforts I hope someone is watching out to make sure two things get accomplished. 1). The Hornets have a place to play some playoff games, and 2). Someone is building a mantle upon which to set Chris Paul's Rookie of the Year Award.

Seattle Sonics- I can imagine them making a second half surge. The major obstacle is that their best 5-player unit is one of the weakest in the association. However unlike most teams, they do get the most of that top lineup

Washington Wizards- The Wizards organization needs to get their rotation under control. Their most common lineup is 63-points worse than their best lineup.

VIII. Neptune-
Philadelphia 76ers- If you think the Sixer’s have been unimpressive then I have bad news. They’ve faced the second weakest schedule so far this year, and the schedule looks likely to get tougher here as the season progresses.

Boston Celtics- Did you see all the ways 82games.com broke down the awful job the Celtics are doing this year? Go check it out. It’s a great read and funny to anyone not living in Boston.

Utah Jazz- If they can string together a seven game win streak, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if they somehow still managed to make the playoffs. I just don’t find that prospect very likely.

Orlando Magic- I have an odd suspicion that once they get past the Steve Francis drama, they will turn into a dangerous young team playing to prove something. I say this while they are currently in the bottom half of the association in both offense and defense.

IX. Uranus-
New York Knicks- Wow! Their undefeated streak to star out 2006 already seems like yester year.

Golden State Warriors- Since they’ve slipped into the negative zone in terms of point differential, I don’t see this season going anywhere good from here on out.

Minnesota Timberwolves- My heart goes out to KG. He’s played the toughest schedule in the NBA so far, and he now has to learn how to deal with a new team. To be fair to the management though, that roster was doing about all it could and it was till a major disappointment.

X. Pluto-
Chicago Bulls- I’m going to avoid commenting until their current win streak comes to an end. I don’t want to jinx them in case the resurgence is for real.

Houston Rockets- Have we seen McGrady and Yao on the court at the same time at all this year? I seriously wonder if they aren’t sharing bodies, like Rick Jones and Captain Marvel (YES! I knew I could fit an obscure comic book reference in here).

Portland Trailblazers- I think Nate McMillan is a great coach, but I also think that the Blazers have the worst starters in the NBA.

Charlotte Bobcats- I seriously believe this could be a mediocre team this year, except injuries are keeping them from putting their best players on the court.

Atlanta Hawks- BAD

Toronto Raptors- WORSE

Friday, January 27, 2006

Bowl Season Follow Up

Check and make sure the coast is clear. Is there any pro-football being played this weekend? There isn't? Great, that means the time is finally right for me to spring my bowl season wrap up. I couldn't stand the thought of any serious football fan missing my insights into this year's fantastic bowl season because they were too busy with the NFL playoffs. I could have just let those 28 games slide into memory to be brought out and savored again during the long hard off-season. Between some of the historic games we witnessed and my unbelievable success in the prediction biz, I just thought some comment had to be made. So let's first review the stunning performance of my Arbitrary Bowl Prediction Method. Then we'll recap the fun and frivolity of the 2005-06 bowl season with a fake mailbag.

Before everyone starts offering me big money to create a handicapping business or asking if Two for the Money is based on my life, I want to remind everyone that success on any kind of gambling venture is nothing more than pure, dumb luck. My winning record both straight-up and against the spread is no indication of anything other than I happened to be dumber and luckier than the norm. For a full breackdown of my performance check out this handy chart. Some general trends do merit special mention. Picking against the line is hard. I found that if you can't guess the game straight-up, you shouldn't be messing with the spread. The spread exists to make easy picks hard and hard picks impossible. Those folks in Vegas know what they're doing, and if you think you have the line on something figured out, you're probably delusional. Second, I want to make it clear that no matter how the games actually played out, I stand behind my fight song picks. I don't care that Nebraska was 4 points better on the field "Hail to the Victors!" is still better than "There's No Place Like Nebraska" by 13 points and then some. If you want to correct my footballl analysis, that's fine, but I stand behind my fight song comparisons as the best on the internet.

Now on to happier topics. Every college football fan in American has an abundance of highlights and memories from what has been a superlative bowl season. Some will be appreciated over the years as they get brought up time and time again, in sports bars, over tailgate barbecues, and as annoying anecdotes we'll prattle on about to our grandchildren. Others demand comment here and now (actually they demanded comment on like January 5th, but I took an extended holiday). So to revisit all of the fodder for ESPN Classic, here's the first fake Capn's Mailbag. I've been dying to do one of these because I'm a huge fan of letter columns, but I never get any e-mail about my site (that may have something to do with the fact that I never posted an e-mail address on this site). I do hope this starts to generate more audience participation. I hope even more someone will suggest a cute pun I can use as my standard letter column title, so I can turn it into an ongoing feature. So just to be clear these are all FAKE letters from FAKE readers.

Hey Capn, I keep hearing about the coaching matchup in the Orange Bowl as a once in a lifetime thing. Do you think we'll ever see two coaches with more than 350 wins each meet in a bowl game again? - Alex H. Sunnydale CA

I heard the same thing a lot, and I mean a lot, in the lead up to the Geriatric Bowl. The pundits brought up that we had never seen two distinguished coaches go head to head like this before and we never would again. The common thinking being that it's too hard for any coach of a later generation to be that good for that long. There are a lot of reasons to believe that. Coaches don't get big time jobs that young anymore. No team can dominate for decades at a time anymore. And most importantly no one else is close enough in career wins to reasonably reach it within their expected lifespan. I may be the only person in the world who disagrees with this, but I firmly believe we will see many more coaches reach such lofty heights. It will take a few decades but it will happen. I have two big reasons.
1). The human life expectancy just keeps getting longer and longer, and so long as people take care of themselves they seem more than capable of staying active in their chosen profession. I think Bob Stoops could keep coaching into his seventies, and he's averaging the ten-win a year pace needed to break that 350-win ceiling. He's not the only one either, Urban Meyer or Mike Leach could be around for decades (the life expectancy of Mark Mangino isn't as high). Look at Pete Carroll and tell me he couldn't be spry enough to coach up until his 90th birthday party. True no one is close now, but the coaches in the current generation shouldn't be discounted just because of when we assume they'll retire.
2). As soon as we discover the technology to revive the dead, among the first 100 people brought back will be Knute Rockne and Bear Bryant. And if you don't think this is happening then you have never looked a Notre Dame or Alabama fan in the eye when they speak of these men. I know we're talking about loyal Catholics and Southern conservatives here. But they know, not think, not believe, but know, that if those coaches were around today their respective schools would be going 12-0 every year. They aren't going to let a little thing like the will of God get between them and a few more national championships.

Dude, thanks for having faith in the Mountaineers. No one else believes we can beat Georgia in the Sugar Bowl, but I'm with you,m this is going to be a blowout. -R. Byrd, D.C.
I know it looks a little self-serving to bring this up, but even I was surprised my Sugar Bowl pick turned out right. I was expecting to just lose that one for the sake of staying true to my fight song methodology. After the first quarter I had to check my original prediction to be sure that I had actually called for UGA getting shut out. I had, but not by 35 points! That lead didn't last, but for about an hour there I looked like the smartest guy in the room to all my fellow college football fans.

Captain, could you help me out here? Why does Brady Quinn's sister and A.J. Hawk's girlfriend Laura Quinn seem so familiar to me? Everytime ABC puts her on screen I shout out that she reminds me of someone. My friends are getting annoyed, but I know she strongly resembels someone famous. So take a look at a picture and tell me, who does she look like? -Jeff, Indiana
That would be Brady Quinn. I'm not kidding. The brother-sister combo have the same eyes, mouth and jawline. I haven't seen a pair of siblings this eerily similar since Donnie and Marie. If anyone else feels creeped out, just imagine how A.J. Hawk will feel once he figures it out.

I am outraged! How could the officials ruin the Alamo Bowl for Michigan like that? It wasn't just the last play, they had been blowing calls all night. What can we do to get some better officiating in these big games? -Nick, U of M alum
I don't know if I accept your premise. What I saw happen to Michigan in the Alamo Bowl was the same thing I saw happen to every other team in every other bowl. Since bowls use officiating crews from neutral confrences, it takes teams a while to figure out what they can and cannot get away with. Nebraska's coaches and players figured out the Alamo crew before Michigan did. As someone who followed that whole game, I was just waiting for it to be over I didn't expect Michigan to attemp The Greatest Play in College Football History and neither were you, so I don't know how we can get mad at the officials for assuming the same thing. At that point there were about a million ways that game could have ended and only a tiny fraction of those could have resulted in a Michigan victory. We were all shocked by the ending I have yet to hear one satisfactory explaination of what the officials were supposed to do. I guess these are just the things you have to live with as a sports fan. But still I am seriously impressed that Michigan has The Greatest Play in College Football History stored in their playbooks. The only other team I know of to have something like that in their standard practice reptoire is Ohio State, who supposedly practice what they call "The Last Play on Earth" once a week. Hmmmmm . . . Michigan and Ohio State each have some totally insane play lined up for when they have one shot to win a big game. Do think they each drew those up with the other in mind?

Hey man, I have been watching the Trojans all season and I'm seriously feeling the vibe. I think we are the only team in the history of college footall to have all the players and tools to win three championships in a row. Can you think of anything that could stop us, aside from Vince Young playing maybe the greatest individual game in college football history? - George Michael Bluth, Newport Beach California
Ouch, talk about irony. To answer your question the only other thing that may have hurt USC, is the kiss of death ESPN laid on them by calling them the greatest team of all time before the season was over. In this painfully shortsighted article.

Dear Captain, I noticed Ivan Maisel also used fight songs as a factor when he predicted the Rose Bowl. Both of you made the same pick. So tell me did you copy him or did he copy you?
I also saw the piece to which you refer. I had no previous knowledge of Ivan Maisel making this call when I wrote my predictions and I know he wouldn't even know I exist. So I have to imagine this is one of those cases of great minds thinking alike.

If you're the Captain of History, then you should be able to tell me whether or not the 2006 Rose Bowl was the greatest game in college football history? -Howard Z.
No.
Oh yeah everyone is going nuts about this year's national championship game. Since we live in an age of hyperbole it was almost inevitable that this game would be crowned as better that every game in the preceding 136 years of intercollegiate football. Much of the praise is well deserved. Any game that has a player or team pull off a fourth-and-national championship play in the last minute has to be on the short list. But let's review a few important factors. First of all, as exciting as the second half was, the first half seemed disorganized and sloppy. Games like the 1971 Oklahoma-Nebraska "Game of the Century" were great top to bottom. Second, the fact that the game lived up to the hype doesn't make it better, it only proves how ridiculous the hype machine was. No one could legitimately expect such a fantastic game, so in retrospect if the game had been any less of an all-timer then we all would have been disappointed. The punditocracy might have ruined our enjoyment of a fantastic game just because they couldn't pull in the reigns on their hyperbole machine. I'd rather have a game like the 2003 Fiesta Bowl when expectations were down but the drama was through the roof. Speaking of the Fiesta Bowl that had so many great shifts in momentum that turned into memorable moments. The two moments everyone will remember from the 2006 Rose Bowl are Reggie Bushes careless lateral (a perfect illustoration of the poor first half execution) and Vince Young's game winning run. Another thing, the game seemed to end too soon. It felt like Texas simply had the last hot streak of the game. I know people were openly rooting for overtime, just so we could get our fill. Yet another adavantage the 2003 Fiesta Bowl had. Also, can I say something about controversy. I think having something to argue about after the game always enhances its memorability, think Stanford-Cal or Tom Osborne going for two. I'm sorry but "Should Reggie have gone for it in the fourth?" doesn't compare, not to that, or even to the, that's right, 2003 Fiesta Bowl. Trust me, no controversy helps a games noteriety more than "the official's cost us that game" controversy. I think the 2006 Rose Bowl is so good it desrves to be in the Top Five College Football Games of All Time. Which are . . .
5.2006 Rose Bowl Texas-USC
4.1935 SMU-TCU
3.1984 Orange Bowl Miami-Nebraska
2. 1971 "Game of the Century" Nebraska-Oklahoma
1. 2003 Fiesta Bowl Ohio State-Miami (but you all saw that coming)

In most mailbags this is when the ombudsman signs off with some clever phrase. I don't have one, but I'll gladly take suggestions. No "Kneel before Zod"s please. Until next time,
The Captain of History

Thursday, January 05, 2006

NBA Solar Ratings 1/5/2006

Happy New Year to all you basketball fans! I always appreciate this time of year for a few reasons. First, the Christmas day games always signal that the broadcast networks have finally dubbed the current season worthy of true national coverage. This means teams and players have to step up their play to be ready for the big show. In some ways it seems to mark the beginning of the “Okay, from here on out we take every game seriously” phase of the season. Second with only 11 games left in the NFL (just remember folks never trust Peyton Manning in a game that ends in “bowl”), the college football season officially completed (way to hook ‘em Horns, I’m sure ESPN’s retraction of their “USC 2005 is the greatest team ever” series along with an official apology will be coming soon) and hockey exiled to the Outdoor Life Network (between the NHL and the Tour de France OLN seems to have become the official network for foreign sports Americans find remotely interesting, I can’t wait for them to land the MLS next year). Third, and finally, I love watching players who are borderline all-stars playing out of their minds in the next few weeks in an attempt to earn themselves a trip to the NBA All-Star parties –the unfortunate downside of partying like Queen for a weekend being you have to risk injury in a meaningless exhibition game.

I. Sun-
Detroit Pistons- Watch out for Chauncey Billups to have some game between now and the All-Star break where he gets like 40-points and 15-assists as he team mates try to shore up his well-deserved trip to Houston.

II. Jupiter-
San Antonio Spurs- The game on Christmas demonstrated that until proven otherwise (possibly in the Finals) the Spurs are only the second best team in the NBA this year. Keep in mind though they are still the best defense in the league, and there’s an old axiom about which aspect of the game wins championships.

III. Earth-
Phoenix Suns- Wait a second! I don’t know if anyone has noticed this but the defending league MVP (who has long suffered from accusations that he can’t guard anyone) is running the second best defense in the association. The Suns hope your team doesn’t notice so they can take them by surprise in the playoffs.

New Jersey Nets- I’m glad to see Jason Kidd is clicking again and leading the hottest team in the league to the top of their division. You just have to marvel that a team that wouldn’t be third in the Central Division would currently have second seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs.

Miami Heat – Apparently, this Shaquille O’Neal can play some basketball. Suddenly, Dwayne Wade looks more like the savvy superstar than the desperate all-star who has to have one of those “I’m the only good player on my team and we have to win this” games every night –for an example of what this can do to someone watch AI’s career for the last five years.

Cleveland Cavaliers- I don’t think Cleveland minds being so far behind in the division race, because so long as LeBron keeps playing like he’s four people, I don’t think anyone outside of Michigan can stop them. (Aside: Has anyone else in NBA history ever treated triple-doubles as such a low key event? Seriously, whenever someone tells LeBron he had a triple-double he looks at them like they’re silly for keeping track of that. I think even the Big O got more excited about them then, this and he had a season where he pretty much got one every game? I mean come on.)

IV. Saturn-
Memphis Grizzlies- If these trade rumors are true, look for the Grizz to land someone who does one thing great (shoot the three, snatch offensive boards, guard the opponent’s best player) but makes a lot of mistakes. Then they’ll limit his minutes, turn him into a specialist, and very slowly Memphis is looking like the second coming of the Spurs.

Minnesota Timberwolves- Kevin Garnett is not getting left out of the play-offs a second year in a row. He’ll tear off Eddie Griffin's dead shooting arm and use it to club his opponents to death before he lets that happen.

Dallas Mavericks- At this point I think we all have to realize that for like the fifth year in a row the Mavericks have a real chance of reaching the Finals. Tune in three months when we all will realize that for like the fifth year in a row they probably won’t.

V. Venus-
Indiana Pacers- I have a sinking suspicion that once they get the Ron-Ron albatross off their collective neck, one of two things will happen. Either a) They explode for a huge win streak and become everyone’s most feared team in the playoffs, or b) Stephen Jackson reveals his true colors and becomes an even bigger albatross than Artest ever was.

Milwaukee Bucks- It looks like that hot opening streak is starting to cool off as the rest of the association starts to treat the Bucks seriously, and stop getting taken by surprise.

Denver Nuggets- I’m going to wait and see how long they can ride out this win streak, before I make any definitive statements about their playoff hopes.

VI. Mars-
Philadelphia 76ers- If you took the parley on either Webber or AI throwing their teammates under the bus before the All-Star break, I’d start sweating.

Golden State Warriors- I’ll admit they’ve held out longer than I expected, and that back court is pretty impressive. But really who’s going to look at a playoff pairing against the Golden State and feel intimidated.

Los Angeles Clippers- L.A. Clippers meet reality. Reality this is the L.A. Clippers why don’t you get to know each other.

VII. Mercury-
Orlando Magic- If everyone remains patient with all of these rookies then the Magic could be a real threat by the end of the season, and just think about next year.

Seattle Sonics- Suddenly Seattle starts to realize that having the right coach can matter a whole lot to a successful season.

Washington Wizards- I think this is as a good a time as any to mention that as I write this every single team in the Southeast division is in a losing streak of some kind.

VIII. Neptune-
Boston Celtics- Is their some law that says at any given time Boston has to have one miserable sports team? Could we check the Massachusetts Commonwealth Charter on this one?

Utah Jazz- No, I don’t think they’ve shown enough to be taken seriously yet, but they could become this year’s version of last year’s Bulls.

Los Angeles Lakers- It seems like Phil and Kobe are wagering and awful lot on the chances of a 42-40 team making the playoffs in the West.

IX. Uranus-
New York Knicks- That 3OT win over the Suns showed a lot more heart than I thought the Knicks had left at this point in the season. Let’s applaud them for that at least.

Chicago Bulls- I can’t help but shake the felling that the Bulls are waiting for lighting to strike twice. Either they're waiting for the next MJ to fall in their laps, or they're waiting for the chemistry of last year to suddenly spark again.

New Orleans Hornets- With as strong as they have looked at times, I am saying right now that they should be better, which makes them a Uranus team.

Sacramento Kings- I think it's pretty clear that Brad Miller is the best center in the West, but we need a moment of honesty. All right by a show of hands, who among the King fans is starting to miss Vlade Divak?

X. Pluto-
Houston Rockets- That’s right I’m bumping them down to Pluto status, because they don’t look at all like they’re challenging for a title this year. Once again neither T-Mac nor Yao will win a playoff game this season, but this time they won't have a chance.

Portland Trailblazers- Someone needs to get them a legit table setter to start moving and sharing the ball. You can turn any of their shoot first players into a sixth-man, and get more of those high-scoring games in which the Blazers have better chances of the winning.

Charlotte Bobcats- Having reached double digit wins already this season, they are still beating their very low expectations.

Atlanta Hawks- I really don’t know how a team that beats the Spurs, can look like, well, the Atlanta Hawks most of the rest of the time.

Toronto Raptors- When Vince Carter visits Toronto, does he need armed security, or are Canadians more forgiving than Americans?