Happy New Year to all you basketball fans! I always appreciate this time of year for a few reasons. First, the Christmas day games always signal that the broadcast networks have finally dubbed the current season worthy of true national coverage. This means teams and players have to step up their play to be ready for the big show. In some ways it seems to mark the beginning of the “Okay, from here on out we take every game seriously” phase of the season. Second with only 11 games left in the NFL (just remember folks never trust Peyton Manning in a game that ends in “bowl”), the college football season officially completed (way to hook ‘em Horns, I’m sure ESPN’s retraction of their “USC 2005 is the greatest team ever” series along with an official apology will be coming soon) and hockey exiled to the Outdoor Life Network (between the NHL and the Tour de France OLN seems to have become the official network for foreign sports Americans find remotely interesting, I can’t wait for them to land the MLS next year). Third, and finally, I love watching players who are borderline all-stars playing out of their minds in the next few weeks in an attempt to earn themselves a trip to the NBA All-Star parties –the unfortunate downside of partying like Queen for a weekend being you have to risk injury in a meaningless exhibition game.
I. Sun-
Detroit Pistons- Watch out for Chauncey Billups to have some game between now and the All-Star break where he gets like 40-points and 15-assists as he team mates try to shore up his well-deserved trip to Houston.
II. Jupiter-
San Antonio Spurs- The game on Christmas demonstrated that until proven otherwise (possibly in the Finals) the Spurs are only the second best team in the NBA this year. Keep in mind though they are still the best defense in the league, and there’s an old axiom about which aspect of the game wins championships.
III. Earth-
Phoenix Suns- Wait a second! I don’t know if anyone has noticed this but the defending league MVP (who has long suffered from accusations that he can’t guard anyone) is running the second best defense in the association. The Suns hope your team doesn’t notice so they can take them by surprise in the playoffs.
New Jersey Nets- I’m glad to see Jason Kidd is clicking again and leading the hottest team in the league to the top of their division. You just have to marvel that a team that wouldn’t be third in the Central Division would currently have second seed in the Eastern Conference playoffs.
Miami Heat – Apparently, this Shaquille O’Neal can play some basketball. Suddenly, Dwayne Wade looks more like the savvy superstar than the desperate all-star who has to have one of those “I’m the only good player on my team and we have to win this” games every night –for an example of what this can do to someone watch AI’s career for the last five years.
Cleveland Cavaliers- I don’t think Cleveland minds being so far behind in the division race, because so long as LeBron keeps playing like he’s four people, I don’t think anyone outside of Michigan can stop them. (Aside: Has anyone else in NBA history ever treated triple-doubles as such a low key event? Seriously, whenever someone tells LeBron he had a triple-double he looks at them like they’re silly for keeping track of that. I think even the Big O got more excited about them then, this and he had a season where he pretty much got one every game? I mean come on.)
IV. Saturn-
Memphis Grizzlies- If these trade rumors are true, look for the Grizz to land someone who does one thing great (shoot the three, snatch offensive boards, guard the opponent’s best player) but makes a lot of mistakes. Then they’ll limit his minutes, turn him into a specialist, and very slowly Memphis is looking like the second coming of the Spurs.
Minnesota Timberwolves- Kevin Garnett is not getting left out of the play-offs a second year in a row. He’ll tear off Eddie Griffin's dead shooting arm and use it to club his opponents to death before he lets that happen.
Dallas Mavericks- At this point I think we all have to realize that for like the fifth year in a row the Mavericks have a real chance of reaching the Finals. Tune in three months when we all will realize that for like the fifth year in a row they probably won’t.
V. Venus-
Indiana Pacers- I have a sinking suspicion that once they get the Ron-Ron albatross off their collective neck, one of two things will happen. Either a) They explode for a huge win streak and become everyone’s most feared team in the playoffs, or b) Stephen Jackson reveals his true colors and becomes an even bigger albatross than Artest ever was.
Milwaukee Bucks- It looks like that hot opening streak is starting to cool off as the rest of the association starts to treat the Bucks seriously, and stop getting taken by surprise.
Denver Nuggets- I’m going to wait and see how long they can ride out this win streak, before I make any definitive statements about their playoff hopes.
VI. Mars-
Philadelphia 76ers- If you took the parley on either Webber or AI throwing their teammates under the bus before the All-Star break, I’d start sweating.
Golden State Warriors- I’ll admit they’ve held out longer than I expected, and that back court is pretty impressive. But really who’s going to look at a playoff pairing against the Golden State and feel intimidated.
Los Angeles Clippers- L.A. Clippers meet reality. Reality this is the L.A. Clippers why don’t you get to know each other.
VII. Mercury-
Orlando Magic- If everyone remains patient with all of these rookies then the Magic could be a real threat by the end of the season, and just think about next year.
Seattle Sonics- Suddenly Seattle starts to realize that having the right coach can matter a whole lot to a successful season.
Washington Wizards- I think this is as a good a time as any to mention that as I write this every single team in the Southeast division is in a losing streak of some kind.
VIII. Neptune-
Boston Celtics- Is their some law that says at any given time Boston has to have one miserable sports team? Could we check the Massachusetts Commonwealth Charter on this one?
Utah Jazz- No, I don’t think they’ve shown enough to be taken seriously yet, but they could become this year’s version of last year’s Bulls.
Los Angeles Lakers- It seems like Phil and Kobe are wagering and awful lot on the chances of a 42-40 team making the playoffs in the West.
IX. Uranus-
New York Knicks- That 3OT win over the Suns showed a lot more heart than I thought the Knicks had left at this point in the season. Let’s applaud them for that at least.
Chicago Bulls- I can’t help but shake the felling that the Bulls are waiting for lighting to strike twice. Either they're waiting for the next MJ to fall in their laps, or they're waiting for the chemistry of last year to suddenly spark again.
New Orleans Hornets- With as strong as they have looked at times, I am saying right now that they should be better, which makes them a Uranus team.
Sacramento Kings- I think it's pretty clear that Brad Miller is the best center in the West, but we need a moment of honesty. All right by a show of hands, who among the King fans is starting to miss Vlade Divak?
X. Pluto-
Houston Rockets- That’s right I’m bumping them down to Pluto status, because they don’t look at all like they’re challenging for a title this year. Once again neither T-Mac nor Yao will win a playoff game this season, but this time they won't have a chance.
Portland Trailblazers- Someone needs to get them a legit table setter to start moving and sharing the ball. You can turn any of their shoot first players into a sixth-man, and get more of those high-scoring games in which the Blazers have better chances of the winning.
Charlotte Bobcats- Having reached double digit wins already this season, they are still beating their very low expectations.
Atlanta Hawks- I really don’t know how a team that beats the Spurs, can look like, well, the Atlanta Hawks most of the rest of the time.
Toronto Raptors- When Vince Carter visits Toronto, does he need armed security, or are Canadians more forgiving than Americans?
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